Photoshop fail

I was online and I saw this clearly photoshopped Harlequin cover: Here you go

That girl just looks soo weird, and you can tell they photoshopped her face to make her seem flawless. She doesn't even look that human, i mean 1. she has no eyebrows. 2. her face is too small compare to the rest of her head. 3. she has to hands of a newborn child 4. it looks like somebody got a picture of an angel, added some flesh color and poorly photoshopped it on a girls body. Very poorly done, at least the guy looks realistic ( even though once again every guy in Harlequin is drop-dead gorgeous and this guy kinda looks drunk)

How come there are no teenaged children in Harlequin

How come it's that most Harlequin novels never have the child be a teenager (or at least a 12 year old)? I mean 90% of the kids in Harlequin novels are 7 and under. I guess that most of the bored housewives (who only buy Harlequin for wish fulfillment reasons) must find the perfect child to be within the ages of 0-7, rather than a mature teenager. I guess the bored readers and writers of Harlequin think that us teenagers are evil, which we kinda are. I mean if something doesn't go our way, then we rip your soul out from your eye sockets....

Nah...but most parents absolutly fear the teenage years of their children, but I'm suprised that Harlequin writers havn't glamorized it yet (you know make the teenagers be perfect), but no. Every child in a Harlequin novel is always a stinken kid ages 0-7, I've only seen one book with a teenager and two with a kid older than 7

Some more books if they were realistic (and took place in modern society)

Gossip Girl:
1. Blair asks a computer hacker to hack into Gossipgirl.com and find out whose email it is. Once the email is found than mystery solved. Plus wouldn't Gossip girl be arrested for cyber bullying

Harlequin:
1. Some pretty virgin marrys a rich, attogant,hot guy for his money and gets knocked up.

Lord of the rings:
1. They catapolt both the ring and Boromir into Mount Doom. They need to get rid of Boromir so Aragorn can become king
2. Nuke the place, and drop the ring in Mount Doom. Oh and be sure that Boromir is in the area before the place is bombed (Aragorn needs to be king)

Song of the Sparrow:
1. A whole lot of poetry, and naked swimming

Fan fiction:
1. IDK really. Just the tweenaged author drooling over their favorite book character and having a relationship with him or her. I've never written fan fiction (well my mom said I wrote one LOTR fan fiction, but I only remember writing the last chapter of it)

The Talking Cake:
1. Younger, and hotter versions of the Lord of the rings, except more crappy

The Diary of a Lipgloss addict:
1. IDK, basicly be an identical replica of Bella Swan meeting an exact replica of Edward Cullen, and making enemies with an exact replica of the stereotypical bad-girls/James, Victoria, and Laurent)

Who is worse: Stephanie meyer or Carole Marsh?

In corner number one we have Stephanie Meyer aka our bored, horny housewife, and on corner number two we have Carole Marsh, aka our attention seeking lady. Who will win the battle of the whose the worst author. This will be judged on which is worse (so don't think i'm picking who did a better job, it's on who did worse. got it) Let's begin with Round one with whose the worst Self insert.
While Stephanie Meyer tried to hide the fact that Bella Swan is basicly how she wishes she was in high school (pretty, popular without trying, ends up marrying a rich dominating guy, and be smart), Carole Marsh literally made herself and her family characters in her series. They are even on the cover. Though her self-inserts aren't as idealized, but they still have some common Mary sue elements. For example: it's always up to the children to save the day, and they always do without any trouble. Their flaws are meant to be seen as cute and funny and for some reason they never seem to age. She also probably made herself a character so she can imagine herself going to the many locations that she wants to go to, also she put a lot of merchandise plugs (cough cough Carole Marsh Mysterious fan club watches cough cough) in many of her books. So whose the winner: the author who secretly made herself a overly idealized self-insert, or the author who intentionally makes her family characters?
The winner is... Stephanie meyer! For going out of her way to live out her personal desires through her novel. Congrajulations..you suck!

Round Two: Writing style
Stephanie Meyer has been both praised and critisized for using over-the-top descriptions of everything (but mostly Edward), while Carole Marsh has tons of grammatical, and spelling errors. The clear winner is Carole Marsh! For writing a story as if you wrote it on less than a hour.

Round three: Reality (two part)
Stephanie Meyer did no research what-so ever (because if your dead you can't have kids, Forks is not the rainiest place on earth, there are no eight pointed snowflakes, you can't skip school ever sunny day without the government getting mad, it is illegal to ride a motorcycle without a license, and there is no 1 thousand dollar bill in Italy). While Carole Marsh altered reality just so her grandkids can go on adventures by themselves (nobody attempts to rape or kidnap that kids while they wander around by themselves, and they don't go missing). The clear winner is Stephanie Meyer.
Round three part 2: If the books were realistic.
Here are some common scenarios of what could happen if the characters of the Carole Marsh Mysteries were transported into reality (which is worse?):
1. Grant and Christina witness a murder and rather than telling the police they try to solve the mystery themselves. The two children manage to track the criminals to an abandoned warehouse. The two refuse to call the police because they believe the criminals will either give themselves up or not hurt them because they are kids. The two confront the criminals, but the criminals aren't as nice as the kids imagined them to be. The two are taken hostage, and Grant is killed. Christina is then addicted to drugs by her captors, and sold into prostitution. Meanwhile Carole Marsh wobbles home drunk after allowing her grandchildren to wander around the heavily populated areas. She doesn't notice her grandchildren are gone for another four weeks, which she spent drinking, partying, and reading Harlequin novels. She is then arrested for child endangerment, child neglect, child adandonment, and not calling the police after the kids didn't return. She was then put in jail for over fifty years, and Christina has yet to be found

2. Grant and Christina are allowed to wander around New York by themselves as long as they return to a certain spot in a couple hours. They loose their way and their grandma won't pick up the phone. The children stay the night on the corner of a street, and eat some scraps of food from the garbage for dinner. They refuse to call the police or go to a shelter because they know that they will not help them. After a cold and hungry sleep, the two decide to go to a shelter where they are returned to their grandma, who thought they would return soon. The parents of Grant and Christina take them back home, and dont allow the kids to return to Carole. Carole is later sued

3. While at Disney world, Christina finds out that the kidnapped kids are in the Cinderella castle (for some reason) and decides to go into a closed-off area. She is unfortunatly cought and banned from Disney World. Some security guards go to see why she was going up there and find the kidnapped children. The end

4. Chrina or grant hear about some form of mystery, and they call the police, and or tell the police about the clues they find. The mystery is solved in a couple minutes. The end

Twilight realistic version:
1. Bella swan meets a handsome man. He emotionally abuses her (controls the relationship, bosses over Bella, sometimes physically abuses her, treats her as inferior, and makes her stay weak) but she continues to stay with him because he sexually satisfies her. Her friends are worried for her and calls Edward's obsessiveness and abusivness bad, but Bella defends him as being protective and that he loves her a lot. It ends when she becomes the weak, submissive housewife/high school drop out whose husband bosses her around and decides everything that they do. The end

So whose the winner (or is it loser) of the realisticness. The Winner is.... it's a tie! For making it seem that if you wander away from your parents and search for criminals then nothing bad will happen to you, and that you don't have to do research.

Round four: Morals/messages
The messages of the Carole Marsh mysterious are simple:
1. Hey kids, it's ok to abandon your parents and wander around heavily populated places (which is probably full of pedofiles, kidnappers, drug dealers, pimps, and worst of all....scientologists)
2. When you see a crime happen, don't call the police and instead investigate the crime youselves. Criminals won't hurt you because your kids
3. Grandmas, it's ok to allow your 12 and 7 year old to wander around heavily populated cites by themselves. What pedofile, or rapist would want ot kidnap/rape a 12 year old girl and a 7 year old boy?
Twilight messages are more like
1. Ladies, your only goal in life should be marrying and having babies. You SHOULD NOT attempt college, and instead be a housewife
2. Again ladies, your husband should control the relationship and everything in your life. He is your new owner and you must give into his ever wimb
3. Teen pregnancies are cool
4. Guys, being a stalker/ possesive jerk is the best way to show a girl you love her. Once you see a girl you like, don't stop talking her and being a total jerk towards her till she's yours
5. It's okay to have sex with a older man as long as you look older than you actually are. Translation: If your 14 but you look 18, then it is ok to have sex with that 40 year old
6. Pedofilia is ok. Child-grooming is a way to make it okay. ( Child grooming is th the deliberate actions taken by an adult to form a trusting relationship with a child, with the intent of later having sexual contact is known as child grooming. The act of grooming a child sexually may include activities that are legal in and of themselves, but later lead to sexual contact. Typically, this is done to gain the child's trust as well as the trust of those responsible for the child's well-being. In this case acting like a brother/friend)

Yah the winner is Stephanie Meyer and last but certainly not least Round 4 : predictability

Carole Marsh writes as if she was told to write a mystery in less than 30 minutes and release two new books every week. So in order to do that, she made the criminals give the children clues (just so she didn't have to think and have the characters actually do some investigating, and to force the story to continue), and makes those clues ridiculiously easy. While Stephanie Meyer's predictability is mostly just "you know Bella will get everything she wants, and nobody important will die". Yet Bella's pregnancy, Laurent going good for about a page, Edward dumping Bella, and the whole Jacob imprinting on Renesmee were kinda suprising. While I knew everything that was going to happen in every single Carole marsh book book. The kids would solve the mystery without a scratch, solve the clues, and live happily ever after. The winner is Carole Marsh

So who overall is the bette author. Ok the better author is...Carole Marsh! While Carole Marsh is a pretty crappy author, Stephanie Meyer just taints her books with too many bad messages. Stephanie Meyer is a better author at making it kinda unpredictable, writing style, and making it a little original. While Carole just seems as if she wrote the first cliche that came to her mind and has only thirty minutes to write it and didn't both to proofread or edit it. She just sent it to the publishers just so she can make more money.

The life of a young author blog might be getting a new look!

Maybe or maybe not.

What should my new Blogger icon be

a. My current one: Star Sapphire from the Green Lantern comics:


Pros: Since I'm a new fan of the Green Lantern, and I think Blake Lively (who will be playing Carole Ferris, who later becomes Star Sapphire), I think it would be cool to have Carole as my icon, well for a little bit. I'm not very familiar with the character though.
B. Catwoman from the batman comics (if you didn't know that then I pity you)
Pros: I LOVE CATWOMAN. I've read some comics with Catwoman and she is soo awesome! I love the chemistry between her and batman, they are such a cute couple

C. My old one: Stargirl
Pros: We're both around the same age, have braces, and kinda look alike (even though I did change her hair color for the picture). Oh and suprisingly she has nothing to do with captain America, despite the costume.
D. Wonder Woman:

Pros: We both share some of the same view points. We are feminists, and I bet if she read Twilight she would kill Stephanie Meyer or at least knock some sense into her.

Now readers you decide

New blog...don't worry I'll attempt to update this one

Like my Young author blog, I have a new blog. It's http://www.actionmovieupdates.blogspot.com/. Or you can just go to my profile. Don't worry I'll be updating both my young author blog, just not as often (even though I wasn't posted that much as is)

Tips for writing a realistic character

Characters are what drive a story, if you don't what characters then your basicly describing a setting and nothing else. Plus what story (other than poetry) doesn't have characters? It should be very obvious that you need characters in order to make a good story. Since writing (and films) these days seem to crave realistic, and dark characters here are some helpfull tips on writing a realistic character:

1. Show don't tell. Telling a reader the character's personality traits and then never actually showing them gives your character an 'unintentional personality'. An unintentional personality is one where the audiences finds a character to be a certain way despite the fact that the author didn't intentionally write the character to be that way. Example: A character who the author wants to come off as selfless, smart and independent might come off as selfish, whiney, and dependent to the readers. Show don't tell is one of the most important rules in fiction. If you show your character's personality slowly, and don't flat out say, "He's intelligent", then it makes you seem like a better author. Telling and not showing has a very negative impact on the character. For example: If you say your character is normal looking, but then have tons and tons of boys/girls adoring him/her and having perverted thoughts, then we (the audience) believe that he/she must be gorgeous. If you want to tell the audience that your character is a certain quality, then show it throughout the novel. Example: If your character is a major book worm, then have your character reading constantly, referencing books (and not the books that end up being significant to the story), and talking about books. Show don't tell

2. In order to have a realistic, and relatable character, your character needs to have flaws. Oh and be sure that your flaws are equally paired with the positive traits. For example: I read on a yahoo question, that a character this girl was writing both cared for the feeling of others, and was selfish. As I said pair your positive traits and negative traits well, you don't want a character to both care for others and be selfish. It just doesn't make sense! If your character has no flaws (or flaws that aren't personality flaws like being clumsy but then never showing that she's clumsy) then the readers can't relate to them, and believe me readers hate perfect characters (aka Mary/Gary Sues)

3. How will she/she interact with other supporting characters. Will she be cruel to them, and if so then she should probably stay that way for a good part of the story. Most changes that a character goes through usually happen near the end of the story. Helpful tip: Don't make every single person who dislikes the character be cruel, mean, or jealous of them. It sets the allusion that everybody adores your character, and everybody who doesn't is generally hated by everybody. Maybe have somebody who is liked by many people dislike your character for reasons other than, "He/she is jealous of him".
4. The introduction of a character gives the first impression. For example: I read the book Vampire Academy, and the way the author introduced the main heroine just made me feel sick. Ok so it starts when this female vampire bites the mortal girl (the human girl allowed her to) and the mortal girl described it as feeling better than sex, being high and being drunk. That one page had soo many allusions to sex, that it was just gross. I thought that I accidently bought a vampire porno. Let me make this clear: When a male vampire bites a mortal girl then it is cute, but when a vampire girl bites a mortal girl, then it's just disturbing. In short the way that you introduce a character instantly gives us (the audience) first impressions.
5. Have your character act her own age. I mean you usually wouldn't see a 14-year old using fancy, long words. If your character acts either too young or too old for her age then you should probably mature/or dumb down her/himself up. Now I know that there are some characters out there who are supposed to be childish or mature, but if you are trying to make a character for teens to relate to you have to make your character actually act like them.

Updates on my life (just bear with me)

I haven't been updating lately, so my two readers are probably at least a little happy, and not much has happened. I got my new classes, and unfortunately most of my new classes are mega boring. My new Social studies class is rather boring and unlike my first class where the teacher tried to be funny, this guy is as funny as a rock. My new math class is ehh, it doesn't have Billy in it, but some how Billy's arguments with the teacher made the class some-what entertaining. I wonder what he is doing now? The only new class that I like is my new English class. The teacher allows us to listen to our ipods and is really nice. Finally a good class.

Ok so in Social studies I have to write about five news stories (in the news, duh) and the only stories that were on were about the 7.0 earthquake in Haiti, some athlete using steroids (these days who isn't)
, and Tiger woods (seriously I do not care about Tiger Woods...at all). After watching CNN for over an hour and seeing them constantly repeat the same stories over and over again, I decided to go to the one channel I despise the most. Fox news. Let's just say that if you gave me a choice of either watching Fox news or having nails driven through my eye, I would say, " You might as well go the store, I hear there's a sale on nails!". They are soo biased, and sometimes I can just predict what they'll say. It's always, "He's putting this nation into a deeper recession" and "He's ripping apart the foundation of America" "He waited three days to speak about the bomb threat" yet they never once mention the fact that Bush waited SIX days in order to speak about the shoe bomber. Oh wait, they (fox news) absolutely adores Bush and every republican. Then there is that cry baby Glen Beck who pretends to cry. He fake crys stuff like, "This country isn't like what it's was like! I LOVE MY COUNTRY AND I'M SCARED FOR IT!". I bet you if Mccain won, then his non-stop cry sessions would have never taken place. Oh and I finally found a translation of every single thing a fox news reporter says.
The phrase (which was on Fox news): If there is another terrorist attack, then this guy is impeached!
Covert Message: Hey terrorists, bomb the USA so we can get Obama out of the white house. REPUBLICAN POWER!
The Phrase: This country is not like it was before, and the morals we used to have are gone. I'm scared for her!
Covert Message: Life was better when Bush was in charge. Now that a democrat is in charge, we are changing rather than being the old self
The Phrase: WAAAAA! I LOVE MY COUNTRY AND I'M SCARED FOR IT! THIS COUNTRY IS GOING TO TURN INTO A FASCIST, COMMUNIST, DICTATORSHIP RULED BY BlACKS AND WHITES WILL BE THE MINORITY
Covert message: WAAA! I'M SAD THAT A DEMOCRAT WON SO I'M GUNNA WHINE AND BITCH ABOUT IT UNTIL OBAMA HOPEFULLY GETS IMPEACHED WHICH WILL BE THE BEST DAY EVER! THE USA IS GOING TO BE STUPID AND A 4RD WORLD COUNTRY UNLESS A REPUBLICAN IS PRESIDENT AGAIN! I HATE MINORITIES AND WILL START BALLING MY EYES OUT IN ORDER TO MAKE YOU THINK THAT I'M SANE. WAAA WAAA! REPUBLICAN POWER!
Stupid fox news people, always seeing the negative in everything. Here is what fox news hates: Democrats, blacks, Muslims, non-Christians, and anything a non-republican says.

ANYHOW, I tuned into Fox news and almost instantly they started bashing Michelle Obama for trying to run a campaign against childhood obesity. Wait how is Michelle Obama trying to stop childhood obesity a bad thing....oh wait since her husband is a democrat that makes everything she does a sin. My parents were behind me talking about some crap, and I shouted, "Could you quite down, I'm trying to watch to Republican propaganda!". Yah they laughed, and that was one of the new funny moments I've had recently.

Vampire romances

It is very clear that in the recent years, the vampire genre has significantly increased. Possibly due to the popularity of the Twilight series. Now tons of authors are trying to write vampire novels but only few actually succeed in becoming insanely popular. I've looked through several vampire novels, other than Twilight of coarse, and I've noticed some common plot elements.
1. Vampires have turned from evil, ugly and...non-sparkly into handsome, and mysterious lovers. Most vampires have pale skin, beautiful eyes, dashing hair, a mysterious personality, and basically gorgeous. Some vampires even use tons and tons of body glitter
2. The vampire/human relationship is fairly more common these days. Why? I believe because they are easy to write because you already know how they would act. The vampire boyfriend loves the mortal girl but has a deep desire to want to eat her, while the female usually is troubled by the fact that her boyfriend is immortal and wants to kill her. Some novels are very good at portraying the nearly endless blood-lust of the vampire, while some fall flat (Twilight).

Vampires are no longer evil (like Dracula) and are more like every twelve-year olds dream man. They sparkly, speak in a poetic term, are beyond humanly gorgeous, and now don't burn in the sunlight. The differences between modern vampire novels and the classic vampire novels (like Dracula) are beyond counting (and blogging).

My top five favorite superheroes

1. Batman. Why? Because he's batman that's why! He's ultra cool, dark, and the Dark Knight was a kick ass movie. Unlike that Batman and Robin film made by the dirtbag known as Joel Schumacher

2. Deadpool. Why? Because he's freakin hilarious! Ryan Reynolds is awesome as Deadpool, and I just find Deadpool to be soo funny and I love funny action heroes. Plus what hasn't Deadpool done? He breaks the fourth wall, kicked Captain America in the guy part, made fun of the fact that he's played by Ryan Reynolds (he said, "If you looked like Ryan Reynolds crossed with Shar-pei, you'd understand!), and even sings in some parts. Deadpool is awesome!

3. Green Lantern (Hal Jordan). Why? I've always found him an interesting character, and I recently bought the Green Lantern: Emerald Dawn, and I am a huge fan of Hal Jordan. Sucks that he turned bad, and knowing most superhero films the third films always has the hero go all dark (so unfortunatlly we'll see Hal Jordan become Paralax/aka the bad version of Hal). Once again Ryan Reynolds got another awesome role. Good for him, he really deserves it

4. Captain America. Why? He's an interesting character, attractive, and I can't wait to see the Captain America movie. Marvel has kept the casting very secret so far, and we most likely won't know whose cast until maybe late January or early March. Oh and this is why Deadpool is cooler than Captain America:

5. Superman. Why? I love the show Smallville, and I guess I have to put him on the list. Though I don't really like it how he's too powerful, and doesn't have many weaknesses or flaws. But I still would want to have his powers. Plus he's wears tights and most superheroes now a days wear either leather, or armor. Good for you Supes

Sorry about this not being about any literary related topics, but I just really wanted to write this.

The most sickening thing ever

I was home alone and I decided to see how long it would take for me to get disgusted while watching the Super Hero Squad tv show. Two seconds. Right when I saw the weird 5-year old like Marvel superheroes I was like, "OH HELL NO! NO NO! OHH GOD! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU ALL!?". They looked like freakin five year olds! Then when I saw Captain America (who once again looked like a five-year old) sleeping which wearing some geeky blue night cap, I was like, "THIS ISN"T REAL! I NEVER WATCHED THIS! THIS DOESN'T EXIST! I'M NOT SEEING THIS!". I then quickly turned it off and tried to whip that horrible image from my mind. I mean how stupid is it that all these classic Marvel superheroes have been turned into kiddy crap. I mean EVERY superhero looked like a fat five year old. Magneto, The Punisher (whose like the darkest, least-kidfriendly character ever), the hulk (who looked like a happy green giant), Iron man, and even Thor! How could you do that Marvel?! It's looks like Disney is already starting to dumb-down you guys. I mean come on! How dare you turn this :

(bad-ass) into this (kiddy, goofy, tiny, weak. Nonbad-ass. Plus his arms are bigger than his freakin head.

and this

into this (yes that's the actual size of the hulk in the show. He's a little shrimp!) and He's freaking smiling! Wouldn't that make him Bruce Banner again? Oh wait this is a kids show and anger is a forbidden emotion. Gosh I h-a-t-e this show. I only saw two seconds of it and I already hate it. Is this Marvel trying to copy Dc's animated shows? I mean we all know that whenever Dc makes a movie, then Marvel makes a movie. When Dc makes a show, then Marvel attempts to make a show. Marvel your not supposed to make kiddy shows with your characters. Your characters are flawed, and realistic. They can't be like the perfect DC characters who can made to be kiddy. You can't make the Hulk into a kid-friendly character and expect to be taken seriously. Epic fail on your part. I thought you were better than this.

I'm sorry for the whole gettingg angry and being unformal, but I can't talk about superheroes on my other blog. People complained about it.

Wow writing a wish-fulfillment is soo hard

I thought writing a story for my own personal enjoyment would be easy. All I had to do was create the biggest Mary sue/ self insert of myself, and just start writing about everything I wanted. Sure Anna Elsie has everything I want. You know good looks, insanely popular (people literally instantly adore her), people shower Anna Elsie with tons of expensive gifts, and so far the only people who don't like her are cruel and outcasts. I even plan to give Anna Elsie a perfect boyfriend. What's really weird is that despite Anna Elsie is meant to be me, I still find myself jealous of her and even hating her. If I wasn't making this a wish-fulfillment story then I would kill that stupid Mary sue off in a heart beat. Even though I would technically be killing myself off....but hey it's fiction!
Oh and something about writing a story where everything is perfect and ends perfectly seems soo...weird. I usually have the characters sometimes risk something. Example: Claire gave up her powers to save Trevor, but of coarse I gave them back to her. But in the wish-fulfillment story everything gets handed to Anna Elsie on a silver platter, and she doesn't have to risk anything. I always like conflict and I love adding some action into a story. If this story wasn't a wish-fulfillment then here are some possible storylines:
a. Anna Elsie thinks she's living a perfect only to find out that she's actually in a coma and suddenly awakes back into reality where everything is not perfect.

b. The town she lives in (who apparantly worships her) is actually a evil cult who brainwashes it's inhabitants to worship any new visitor before they brainwash them into believing what they believe in. In short: The citizens are brainwashed to believe any new visitors are gods until a new visitor comes in which the old 'god' is brainwashed into becoming another of the dumb citizens. Too complicated

c. The mysterious teens she sees are actually the only people in the towns that havn't been brainwashed. They explain to her that the life she has been living is not been real, and everybody is only pretending to adore her. Soon the leaders of the town known as "the counselors" learns about how Anna knows that her life is fake and that Anna plans to tell the hundreds of other "perfect life people" that it is all fake. Which will unfortunately end in "the counselors" to lose their power.

Ok so maybe my original ideas aren't as good as they used to be, but be happy that I'm trying. Trying to be creative is as hard as saying that Ryan Reynolds isn't gay looking. What!? He is not the most manliness looking guy in the world. He's attractive in all, but not manly hot. Wow that was totally off topic.

A comparision between Eragon and star wars

The movie opens with Princess Arya/Princess Leia smuggling a dragon egg/message or Death Star plans from the evil kingdom/Empire. She manages to hide it successfully but is captured by Durza/Darth Vader and interrogated about it’s location. A simple orphan farm boy named Eragon/Luke acquires the egg/plans but doesn’t really know what to do with it. One day/night he returns home to find his uncle and aunt murdered by ra’zak/storm troopers who were trying to recover the egg/plans. With his surrogate parental figure(s) dead he decides to leave home forever to ultimately get revenge. He journeys with an old man named Brom/Obi-Wan who actually knows a thing or two about the dragon/message. Since he was a former Dragon Rider/Jedi Knight he begins to teach Eragon/Luke how to use a sword/lightsaber and how to master magic/the force. Not suprisingly he learns the skills very fast (sounds like a Gary Stu to me). While on their journey, the evil kingdom/Empire draws them to their fortress/Death Star. Once there, they are able to rescue the princess but Brom/Obi-Wan ends up being killed by Durza/Vader. After escaping the fortress/Death Star they meet up with Murtagh/Han Solo who says he can take them to the hideout of the Varden/Rebel resistance movement. (O.K. so this is a chronological discrepancy with the two events occurring at opposite ends of their respective movies but it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s the same crap.) The ever-present evil kingdom/Empire tracks them to the hideout and initializes an attack to wipe out the entire resistance movement. At the climax of the battle is an aerial confrontation between Eragon/Luke with his dragon/X-wing and Durza/Vader with his dragon/Tie fighter. Durza/Vader is defeated and Eragon/Luke blows up the fortress/Death Star.

It sure does sound familiar does it?

The similarities between Stephanie Meyer and me

1. Both of our novels are based off fantasies of ours. My fantasy being of my ideal adventure, rather than Stephanie's sexual and 'perfect high school life' fantasy. Though my Diary of a lipgloss addict was my 'perfect high schoo life' fantasy just like Stephanie's.
2. Our main heroine is an author avatar of ourselves, except more idealized
3. We don't have the guts to kill off a major character. Though I did kill off Justin in one of my sequels to the Diary of a lipgloss addict, but I had planned to bring him back in one of the sequels.
4. We both love love-triangles. In the Diary of a lipgloss addict both Garret and Justin fight over Nancy (the author avatar of me)
5. We can't take criticism. This is only partial because I want criticism but I sometimes get upset when somebody insults any of my characters. We both say, "Well you just don't understand the character!"
6. We had already casted the characters (actor wise). I had already chosen Keira Knightley to play Claire, and Chace Crawford to play Trevor. It was actually pretty fun to cast them.
7. Our main heroes are our ideal man. Edward is Stephanie's ideal man, while Will, Trevor and Justin were my ideal men
8. We shower our characters with good/bad personality traits, but then we fail to show them. I tried to have Daisy come off as dumb, but she came off as anything but.
9. We rip off of other novels. I admit it: The Talking cake was supposed to be a younger-version of The Lord of the Rings. While Twilight is just another of your cliche vampire romance novels except with a more annoying, weak heroine, and a sparkly vampire (rather than a vampire who either burns in the sunlight, or weakens significantly). Edward is a rip-off of the stereotypical handsome prince, Claire is the stereotypical rebellious princess (minus the princess part for the first part). Daisy is the stereotypical damsel in distress. Oh and I based the troll demons off orcs (from the Lord of the rings), and I tried to make the four witches like Sauron and Saruman.
10. We rape the thesaurus. In the Diary of a lipgloss addict, I attempt to copy Stephanie Meyer's writing style by using fancy adjectives constantly. Sure using fancy adjectives makes you seem smart, but if you use them as filler or just to describe somebody's physical looks constantly then what is the point? Dear Stephanie: You don't need to constantly describe Edward's looks. We get it, he's gorgeous! Move on!
11. Every character (the good ones) get a happily ever after. Will and Daisy get married and become king and queen. Claire and Trevor start to date and leave to have their own adventure. The witches are destroyed, and every character gets what they deserve. Also Trevor comes back to life, because I just can't kill off my ideal man (yes most of the male leads in my books are Gary stues, and a guy who I would date)
12. We use large fonts to make our books seem long
13. We both founds handsome, protective, stalkers to be absolutely romantic. Once again: When I was a twitard I found protective stalkers to be the perfect boyfriend.
14. Most characters who don't like our author avatar are cruel, mean or jealous of them.

Differences between Stephanie Meyer and I:

1. I have some strong female leads. Example: Claire. Bella allows Edward to control her and many times shows that Stephanie made her to become the perfect conservative housewife. Edward controls the relationship, Bella's only goal in life is to marry Edward and father his child (which is kinda creepy seeing that she basically had a teen pregnancy). She even attempts to commit suicide when Edward leaves her because she just can't go on in life without a man to take care of her. And Stephanie Meyer tells us she is a feminist? Dear Stephanie: Read your own books. Oh and don't just read it when your doing naughty stuff by yourself. Bella is anything but a feminist. I know feminist and she is not one.
2. I literally kill off a main character(s). I did technically kill of Trevor, but I brought him back. I mean he did die, so that still counts. While Stephanie never kills off her characters because I think she has too close of a bond to the characters
3. Did I mention that I don't intentionally make my female characters name sound like mine (well in a major story of mine). I am working on one secret story where the female lead's name sounds strikingly like mine: Her name is Anna Elsie. Yes that is the wish fulfimment story I had planned to write). In Stephanie Meyer's The Host: the female character's name is Melanie Stryer, which kinda sounds like a backwards Stephanie Meyer.

So in short, I sometimes feel like I'm a younger Stephanie Meyer. We have many similarities, and few differences.

Summarization of the Lord of the Rings film trilogy

Fellowship of the rings:
Awesomness
Two towers:
Mega awesomness
Return of the King:
Mega ultra super duper awesomeness

Any questions?

A plot summary of Twilight and New Moon

TWILIGHT
Hi I’m Stephanie…err I mean Bella. I’m soo beautiful, smart (err not weally) awesome and everybody around me is soo stupid and lame. I’m way better than everybody else. Everybody who doesn‘t like me is mean and cruel and should be killed off. *complains about everything*. OMG LOOK AT HOW GORGEOUS AND SPARKLY THAT HOT GUY IS! WHO CARES THAT HE IS TOO OLD FOR ME, STALKS ME, AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSES ME. HE’S HAWT! *endless sequences of Bella and Edward staring into each other’s eyes and Bella talking about how much she is in love with Edward’s physical looks*. OMG FIVE OTHER GUYS LOVE ME!? BUT THEY AREN’T AS HAWT AS EDWARD! SO WHO CARES. OH NO SOME EVIL VAMPIRE WANTS TO KILL ME. RATHER THAN TRYING TO SAVE MYSELF, I’LL JUST WAIT HERE TILL MY BRAVE BOYFRIEND Edward SAVES ME. I’m such a feminist. Oh FUDGE, the eval vampire bites me. *stops to describe Edward’s gorgeous, stone-like looks and how she loves it when she controls her*. EDDIE SAVED ME! YEAH! PROM TIME! I’M SOO PRETTY AND LUCKY! EVERYBODY LOVES ME AND MY HANDSOME, RICH, stalkerish boyfriend! He’s sooo perfect * remembers that there has to be three more sequels* OH I might as well have another wet dream about my special Edward.


NEW MOON

OMG my perfect boyfriends pwafect family jst threw me a uber special party. Since I’m Stephanie..opps I ,mean Bella deserve every since thing of this. OH NO PAPER CUT! WOW MY PAPER CUTS BLEED A LAWT! *Edward once again saves Bella*. WAAAA Edward broke up with me! I’m too perfect for him to break up with me. I can‘t go on! I juzt need a man to control me! I CAN“T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! I‘m GUNNA DIE! I MIGHT AS WELL, I‘M NOTHING WITHOUT EDWARD! NOTHING! WAAA WAAA…HE CAN‘T BE GONE!*long scenes of moping*. I better go attempt suicide BECAUSE MY LIFE IS NUTTING WITHOUT MY EDWARD!. Maybe if I attempt suicide and date my awesome werewolf Jacob Black, then Eddie will come back to me! YEAH *attempts suicide*. Aww he didn’t come back to me. NEED EDWARD *hyperventilates and goes crazy for a while*. Oh look the werewolves killed my enemies. I don’t have to do anything! Alice is back! Oh no my dear Eddie is going to commit suicide because he thought I was dead. He loves me soooo much! Now I have to fly to Italy. Should I tell my dad I’m going? Ehh no because Stephanie doesn’t want dads to be protective and care a bit about their daughters. In Italy. YEAH EDWARD’S SHIRTLESS AGAIN! GO ORGASMS GO! *back on topic*. I getta run through a fountain, yeah! I actually save Edward. OH no we can’t have that. Don’t worry Edward will save me tons more times in the sequel, because I gotta turn into a housewife because that’s what Stephanie Meyer wants me to be. Oh yah I forgot, I got these two guys who totally luv me. Umm which is better a normal looking guy who respects me, or a towtally hawt guy who is..towtally hawt! Luv=physical attraction!

Harry potter fan fiction cliches

*NOTE: I am not saying that every fan fiction has one of these cliches in it. If your writing a Harry Potter fan fiction and it has one of the things in this list. Don't be offended, I am just stating the obvious*

In one of my previous posts I mentioned the phrase Mary sue. I personally find it harder to find Mary sues in original fiction (aka published works) and easier to find it in fan fiction. So I did some searching and found many examples of Mary sues. For one thing: most of the Mary sues have very odd names like Serenity Raindrop Potter or Eh-Mee-Lee (pronounced Emily). Creative names are good, but if the names are too wacky and weird then it just sounds...weird. So after finding numberous examples of Harry potter Mary sues: (go to http://www.fanfiction.net/community/The_Institution_for_Harry_Potter_MarySues/7128/ It has over 1500 different examples of Mary sues!) I decided to search some keywords (Like Harry Potter sister, or American transfer student) into Fan fiction.net and see how many stories have that keyword in it. Ok so let's start!

Harry Potter has over 679 sisters. WOW
There are 155 American transfer students
Snape has over 402 daughters!
Dumbledore has 42 granddaughters
Voldemort has over 561 daughters
=1,839 fan fictions with those cliches in it

Now I know that there are possibly more overused cliches that I don't know about, but I'm not really in the mood to look through fanfiction.net. Ok I'm not saying that all the fan fictions that have these cliches are bad, I'm just saying that the idea of Harry Potter having a secret twin sister is way overused.

How to write for Harlequin

I've recently been looking through some Harlequin novels, and I've noticed that most Harlequin novels contain some of the same things. So i decided to make a "How to" guide to writing Harlequin novels using the things that I've found.

Characters all together:

• Must be white(unless in African American romance)
• The only people who die are the elderly, ex-wives/husbands, and minor character. The hero and heroine can never die. If they do, they must come back to life by their true love’s kiss, or by either the hero/heroine’s healing powers.
• They must be beautiful
• Be in their early or mid twenties, early 30’s occasionally acceptable
• Must be Christians
• Don’t believe in abstinence, unless you are writing a Harlequin inspirational

• Males
• Must be handsome
• Must be either billionaire/millionaire/tycoon/boss/prince/doctor/or other glamouras proffesion
• If a dad: be perfect in every possible way
• Not be a virgin. Only females can be virgins
• Great at sex
• If they are a billionaire make them arrogant, self-centered, and have the common playboy-attitude
• the hero gets the heroine pregnant, he will instantly take responsibility for his actions, marry the girl, and take care of the child. He will never ask twice whether or not he is sure the baby is actually his
• Be dominating and always know how a win a girl no matter how stubborn she is or resists his temptations
  
  Females:
• Be gorgeous beyond belief. They must have long hair(preferably blonde), be thin, and have to be either D-cup or at least B cup. Being curvy is a preffered thing, but it is not needed. They can never be average looking, nor can they be “nerdy”(they can be nerdy but they still must be gorgeous). They can deny it, but we all know they are gorgeous
• Be employed in glamouras/unglamorous business but always have lower position than male. Example: Is the male is the boss of a succesful business, than the female is the owner of a unsuccesful business or a new employee
• If she doesn’t have or is having kids then she is a virgin
• Be stubborn, weak, and or shy. She usually shouldn’t believe she needs a man in her life, or swears off men after a break-up
• The heroine should have a small crush on her hero before the two fall in love.
• Thinks the hero is at first an arrogant jerk
• They must think they are independent but they secretly need the hero
• Bad stuff always happens to the female. Ex: financial debt, gets targeted by assassins, gets robbed, kidnapped, or has family troubles
  

Children:

• Must be under the age of 8. Eight is a stretch
• Be adorable, and innocent. They can never do anything wrong, except for an occasional good-hearted prank. They usually say the cutest lines like “My daddy is the gwatedest daddy in the whole entire world!”
• If their mom or dad is getting married, the child(ren) must instantly adore the new guy/girl and accept her as their new mom/dad. Kids are soo accepting these days aren't they.
• Children are never aborted, or put up for adoption. Having kids is considered the greatest thing to happen ever in every heroine’s life. If the mother ever gives up the child, she always regrets it later and finds a way to get the child back. The kid never asks the question, "Why did you give me up in the first place?".
  
  Settings:
  
• If harlequin presents: take place in an exotic place in Greece, France, a private island, or Italy. To have a story take place in the desert, the location must be a oasis.
• If Harlequin American romance: Take place in either Minnisota, Texas, New York, or other states Must either have many cities, or have a large rural population. If in texas; the hero should own a ranch but not work on it. They must be the owner of a ranch, rather than a ranch-hand
• Don’t describe the setting too much, it will distract the reader from the romantic tension
• If a Christmas novel: If they are snow locked in a house, the electricity will not fail so they won’t freeze to death. They also will have a good supply of food
  
  Plots:
  
• If in the Harlequin presents: a wealthy man falls in love with a poor, beautiful girl and uses her for his own sexual pleasure. Usually has graphic sex scenes, and usually ends in pregnancy. Having bribes, and having the male lead kidnap the female is also good
  
• If Harlequin American romance: A single dad falls in love with a single lady(who usually has a job that includes children).
• If Harlequin paranormal: A paranormal creature(vampire/ghost/werewolf) falls in love with a mortal
• If Harlequin Inspirational: A lady(heavily christian) falls in love with a man(heavily christian).
• If Harlequin Intrigue: a police officer/FBI agent/secret service/other must protect a girl from another guy who wants to kill her. It should end when the hero kills the guy who is going to kill the heroine.
  
  
  Must not does:
• Std’s don’t exist. The worst thing that can happen to a lady while having unprotected sex with a man who has already been with many women is pregnancy
• You can never talk about real-life issues like abuse both childhood or domestic, realities of war(only glamouras versions), and have strong heroines. If you have a strong heroine, always have her think he is strong but have to give into the male sooner or later
• A woman can never be taller, have a higher business status, or be older than the leading man
• Have supporting characters with their own problems. Better yet have the only characters be the hero and the heroine. It gets rid of the risk of smaller characters overshadowing the heroes
• Be normal looking. Every character must have unbelievably good looks, and never be fat. If your character is “plump” they cannot be belly fat, but more wide hips, big butt, and large breasts
• Do not spend too much time describing the setting, and other characters. You need to focus your describing ability on the heroes eyes, or their sex scene
  
  Writing
  
• Suspension of belief is nothing to worry about. You can make it as unrealistic as possible, but that’s what a romance novel is for. To give old housewives fantasies about what they wish their life was. Example: In Harlequin world, a prince can fall in love with a sexy waitress
• The only thing you should go in deep description of is the characters physical looks and the sex scene
• Happily ever after is a must. Nobody wants a story to end when the heroine learns that the hero isn’t meant for her, or one dies!
• A pregnancy is always a good way to end the story. If the main story is about a pregnancy, don’t say the bad things about pregnancy. That means skip morning sickness, and the other stuff that we all don’t like to hear about. If you choose to describe the delivery make it quick and painless(or overaly dramatic). Only describe the cherubic looks of the newborn child. Blonde hair/blue eyes is a great feature to give the child. It is recommended to make the child look like the father more than the mother(unless it is a girl)
• If you have twins: it has to be either boy/girl or boy/boy.
• The climax of the story must be when they have sex
• Flaws are important, but don’t dwell on them too much. The most common flaws are arrogant, possesive, controlling, or seductive. The more likable the character is, the better the novel.
• Personality is important, but don’t spend too much time trying to develop it. Characterization takes up too much time, so speed through the characters personality
• The title should include one of these words: billionare(or other wealthy profession for ideas look in character: Men section), virgin, bedded, pleasure, sex, captive, pregnant, inexperienced, mistress, lover, ruthless, bought, bribed, desert, island, bride, blackmail, convenient, or baby or a combination
• Should be shorter than 190 pages

Self-insert Mary sue

As a young author I'd noticed that most of my stories were based off of personal fantasies of mine. I would write stories and just insert myself into a character meant to be me. In literary terms: A self-insert Mary sue is a literary device in which an author character who is the real author of a work of fiction appears as a character within that fiction, either overtly or in disguise. Usually the character is an idealized version of the author (example: more attractive, popular) and usually is way of wish fulfillment. Wish fulfillment is a the satisfaction of a desire, need, or personal/sexual fantasy through a novel. My personal fantasy at the time was to have an adventure where I got to fight evil people, fall in love with a perfect man, and leave the adventure richer (both emotionally and financially) for the experience. Most of the events in the Talking Cake were made off of what I wanted to happen to myself if I was in my ideal adventure.
In my first book: The Talking Cake, I had originally wrote the book to star my sister and I. I was originaly supposed to be Daisy (even though I imagined myself as Claire more often). Claire and I had the same physical appearence (even though I wrote Claire to be far more attractive), and I even made my ideal man her love interest. Then comes in Will. He was basicly everything I wanted at the time (a handsome, brave, perfect, has a heart of gold (figurativly) guy), and of coarse he was a Gary Stu. Unfortunatly I had to have him fall in love with Daisy ( I imagined myself as Daisy during those times). Just so that I could satisfy my personal desire for love for myself (Claire) I created Trevor. Who I now find has many resemblances to both Edward Cullen and an angst-gary stu.
A Mary sue/ Gary stu is a fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as wish-fulfillment fantasies for their authors or readers. Trevor is the true definition of angst-Gary stu. An angst-Gary stu is a character who is depressed, has dark past, and basicly an angsty character. Will is an perfect Gary stu. He has no flaws, is gorgeous, and is great at everything. He's like a non-stalkerish/abusive Edward Cullen. He is the stereotypical handsome prince. Oh and Daisy and Wills relationship I felt was basicly based off physical looks (just like Edward and Bella's). Daisy fits into the classic dumb damsel-in-distress stereotype, even though I epically failed at pulling her off as dumb. Not suprisingly she did the most obvious thing: she ended up saving the day. The story ends where each of the characters live happily after and Claire and Daisy each get what they desire.

Back on the topic of wish- fulfillment, the story ended in a way that satisfied me and fufilled my personal wishes. It's hard to explain but the Talking Cake was a written down version of my ideal adventure staring me as Claire, and Trevor and Will as my ideal men. After the Talking Cake came my shorter book called Race to the City of gold. It once again was originally written to star my friend Lauren, Sarah and I. Coarse I had to change the names to Lily, Sophie, and Ariel (whose names have the first letter of Lauren, Sarah and I). It had the same elements of the Talking Cake. Action, a hot romance (who had some resemblences to Trevor), and ends with the characters richer (this time more financially) for the experience.

After that came my longest novel (well not actually long because made the font large) Diary of a lipgloss addict. This book had many resemblences to Twilight. You know a shy girl goes to a new school and instantly many people want to be her friend and two guys start to adore her. The only people who hate Nancy ( another author-insert of me)are spiteful and jealous of her. The two male leads are Justin and Garret. Garret being like Jacob black (being the nice, boy-next-door who respects her), and Justin being like Edward cullen (being the attractive, mysterious guy who does kinda stalk her and protective). Ok back then I was a twitard and I found a guy who is protective, and is obsessed with you romantic. Like Twilight, The Diary of a lipgloss addict was a written down version of how I wished my high school life would be like. Now duh, the book contained some action (since I love writing action sequences).

To summarize this post up: My novels are based of personal fantasies of mine, and most of my main female characters were self-inserts of myself. I've always thought of writing a novel with a pure self-insert of me (not having to change the name and give flaws. Even though most of my characters don't have flaws in the first place), and live out another personal fantasy of mine. It would be secret, and not to be published. Just something for me to read by myself in order to technically live-out my fantasies. But for now, there is a low chance that I'll write again. I don't know why but I'm just not getting the inspiration to write a new novel. I mean I try to write a new one, but just don't get that into it and abandon it. Sucks doesn't it.