A plot summary of Twilight and New Moon

TWILIGHT
Hi I’m Stephanie…err I mean Bella. I’m soo beautiful, smart (err not weally) awesome and everybody around me is soo stupid and lame. I’m way better than everybody else. Everybody who doesn‘t like me is mean and cruel and should be killed off. *complains about everything*. OMG LOOK AT HOW GORGEOUS AND SPARKLY THAT HOT GUY IS! WHO CARES THAT HE IS TOO OLD FOR ME, STALKS ME, AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSES ME. HE’S HAWT! *endless sequences of Bella and Edward staring into each other’s eyes and Bella talking about how much she is in love with Edward’s physical looks*. OMG FIVE OTHER GUYS LOVE ME!? BUT THEY AREN’T AS HAWT AS EDWARD! SO WHO CARES. OH NO SOME EVIL VAMPIRE WANTS TO KILL ME. RATHER THAN TRYING TO SAVE MYSELF, I’LL JUST WAIT HERE TILL MY BRAVE BOYFRIEND Edward SAVES ME. I’m such a feminist. Oh FUDGE, the eval vampire bites me. *stops to describe Edward’s gorgeous, stone-like looks and how she loves it when she controls her*. EDDIE SAVED ME! YEAH! PROM TIME! I’M SOO PRETTY AND LUCKY! EVERYBODY LOVES ME AND MY HANDSOME, RICH, stalkerish boyfriend! He’s sooo perfect * remembers that there has to be three more sequels* OH I might as well have another wet dream about my special Edward.


NEW MOON

OMG my perfect boyfriends pwafect family jst threw me a uber special party. Since I’m Stephanie..opps I ,mean Bella deserve every since thing of this. OH NO PAPER CUT! WOW MY PAPER CUTS BLEED A LAWT! *Edward once again saves Bella*. WAAAA Edward broke up with me! I’m too perfect for him to break up with me. I can‘t go on! I juzt need a man to control me! I CAN“T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF! I‘m GUNNA DIE! I MIGHT AS WELL, I‘M NOTHING WITHOUT EDWARD! NOTHING! WAAA WAAA…HE CAN‘T BE GONE!*long scenes of moping*. I better go attempt suicide BECAUSE MY LIFE IS NUTTING WITHOUT MY EDWARD!. Maybe if I attempt suicide and date my awesome werewolf Jacob Black, then Eddie will come back to me! YEAH *attempts suicide*. Aww he didn’t come back to me. NEED EDWARD *hyperventilates and goes crazy for a while*. Oh look the werewolves killed my enemies. I don’t have to do anything! Alice is back! Oh no my dear Eddie is going to commit suicide because he thought I was dead. He loves me soooo much! Now I have to fly to Italy. Should I tell my dad I’m going? Ehh no because Stephanie doesn’t want dads to be protective and care a bit about their daughters. In Italy. YEAH EDWARD’S SHIRTLESS AGAIN! GO ORGASMS GO! *back on topic*. I getta run through a fountain, yeah! I actually save Edward. OH no we can’t have that. Don’t worry Edward will save me tons more times in the sequel, because I gotta turn into a housewife because that’s what Stephanie Meyer wants me to be. Oh yah I forgot, I got these two guys who totally luv me. Umm which is better a normal looking guy who respects me, or a towtally hawt guy who is..towtally hawt! Luv=physical attraction!