The Talking Cake: A parody

So I have been working on a spoof of the Talking Cake. Here is the first chapter of parody. *note my characters do break the fourth wall a lot*

Our story begins in the cliché town of Septleford. You know the type of village where everybody is happy-doodly happy and everybody is stupid enough to not realize that the two main characters are witches. That type of village. An old man, who will no longer have a purpose after this scene, came into the small bakery where our heroines live. Claire, our stereotypical savior, and Daisy, our stereotypical dumb blonde (who never really acts that dumb) have been preparing some bakery goods (because that’s what bakers do. In this fictional world women can own a business). Claire turned to Daisy and said, “Daisy, the plot device is heading this way”. Daisy looked over to Claire and said in a pirky voice, “Now? I thought we had more time”. Claire replied, “No we gotta rush this story, remember?”. Daisy nodded.
The old man leisurely shambled his way (see I’m raping the thesaurus) to the ladies and said, “Hi I’m the plot device. Here’s the magical potion, don’t ask me how I got it. It’s never explained. Well…that’s all the time the author gave me. Adieu ladies”. He left without saying another word and that’s the last you‘ll ever see and hear of him.
Claire looked down at the potion and said, “Well I guess the plot starts now. I might as well put this potion, which is clearly a just a normal potion that I got from a creepy old man, onto a cake and then leave. Come on Daisy, lets go”. The two leave, and the stereotypical handsome prince starts to form.
That night as Claire and Daisy slept, Daisy whispered, “So I was originally supposed to be this girl named Sarah. You know a self insert, but the author decided to make me a total airhead. Sucks doesn’t it”. Claire nodded, and wondered, “Wait why the hell are we sleeping over at the bakery when the author clearly states that we have a house? Wow this author will do anything to force this story to begin”. Claire waited a couple seconds before she heard the stereotypical prince calling for help. Claire sighed and walked over to the bakery area where the cakey prince was residing. Claire jumped with a fright, and thought, “Ok surprised reaction is done”.
Claire looked down at the cake with the face and said, “What the hell? This doesn’t make sense”. The cake replied seriously, “Nothing in this book is meant to make sense. Ok so I’m Will, I’ll be the main price of this book, and yah I’m a cake. Oh now don’t worry about me being a cake for long. I’ll only be a cake for one chapter, which totally defeats the purpose of this book being called The Talking Cake ”. Claire nodded with agreement, she then said, “So I’m guessing your going to tell us about the four witches”. The cake nodded (because in this book cakes can nodd), and said, “Yah so there are four witches who cursed me and my country of Nohavia. And now for some reason you have to help me. You know the cliché stuff. These witches can only be killed by other witches, or if their wand is broken”.
Claire asked, “Wait so they can be killed if their wands are broken, so why is there the whole ‘only witches can kill witches’ thing?”. The cake calmly replied, “The author wanted to make it so each of the main heroes gets to kill a witch. I’m not the author, so I’m not supposed to know these things. Let’s just ignore it and hope the audience forgets about it. So…I hope you’re a special kind of which whose wand can be broken and you can still live”. Claire nodded, knowing that the canon the author set out was altered so it would be harder for Claire to die. The prince, whose name is William (hint hint his name means strong-willed warrior), then said happily, “Ok so that’s enough character development. Bring on my love interest”. Claire then called for Daisy, and Daisy skipped into the room. Once she saw Will’s cake face, she exclaimed, “Even though I just met you, I find myself drawn to you”.
Will was pleased and said, “Well we got a couple minutes to prepare before the adventure starts. I hope you girls can easily pick up skills”. Claire and Daisy nodded, but Daisy was too enthralled in Will’s beautiful face. Will said, “So I’m guessing that’s the end of chapter one”. Claire sighed, “Yah, so…did anything get accomplished?” Will shook his head no and said, “Nothing really. So I guess we should probably leave and find some way to get ourselves in trouble”. The others agreed and left. Meanwhile somewhere far away the four witches were devising a plan to kill Will (which is what all villains seem to do these days)

Hope you like it, more might come soon.