Script review: Odysseus

Dear Hollywood,
I've noticed that you have been raping our childhoods by turning toys and books into mindless action films with no relationship to the source material but somehow you think that's "cool". Well you've gone too far this time. Never before in my entire life have I read a script that has soo few similarities to the source material that you should just call it fan fiction. The Odysseus script is truly horrible. Here's why:
Characters:
Odysseus: Not only does Odysseus character almost nothing like the classic character Homer had written, but they weaken him a bit. He gets captured by Antonious (who I think is a villain created specifically for the movie), and gets his ass kicked. Oh and just so they can make the character more 'relatable' they gave him a tattoo. I guess the writer thinks that the way to make characters relatable is to give them tattoos and have them say modern phrases (which I'll talk about later). They took away the charm of the character. When I read the script I couldn't find it in me to want Odysseus to succeed.



Antonious: Oh and they just had to make his costume "cool" by giving him a mask (yes because all people back then wore metal masks to battle). Speaking of Antonious I think the only reason they made him is because 1. The writer realized 'Oh crap you can summarize when Odysseus comes home in less than five pages. I gotta add in some made-up villain just so I can force this movie to be longer than two hours and 2. Apparantly evil cyclops, creatures with nine heads who rip your bodies apart, cannibals, angry gods, and giant whirlpools of death were too lame to be in this movie.

I think he was supposed to be Antinous (whose only in the book for less than ten pages) and if he is supposed to Antinous then the author mustn't have ever read the book to realize that Antinous's role was to get killed off by Odysseus, he never took control of the city, doesnt know how to spell his name and he never captured Odysseus. Antinous is a suitor not some warlord! Another character that has been butchered by Ann Peacock (the writer of this script)



Telemachus: I loved Telemachus.....in the book. Here they just reduced him to the stereotypical angsty teen with daddy issues. Though I'll admit I did kind of like reading him in the script. The only part I liked was when he got killed. They killed him. The writer had the BALLS to kill off the eye candy for us girls! NO NO! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE! I'm sorry about that. I just don't like it when the eye candy IS KILLED OFF! HOW DARE YOU! YOU KILLED TELEMACHUS! HOW DARE YOU! Umm....moving on

Penelope: I think the writer did the math wrong. The script says she is in her 30s so I'm gunna guess that's 35. Since the script takes place 20 years after Odysseus's wild journey, wouldn't that mean Penelope would be in 15? If they wanted to make it more realistic (and not make it seem like Penelope had a teen pregnancy) they would have made her in her 40s or 50s. Then she would be in her 20s or 30s when Odysseus left. But I guess the studio wanted to make Penelope the eye candy and being realistic wasn't cool enough for them

Ok so let me just summarize the action. It wasn't anything insanely special. They changed the part of the Odyssey where Odysseus changes himself into a poor begger, wins a contest to shoot an arrow through some axes and then proceeds to slaughter all the suitors, and just changed it to this: Odysseus (not a begger) is forced to fight his son for the enjoyment of Antonious. Odysseus pretends to kill Telemachus , and then proceeds to light the place on fire and he and Telemachus start to kill everybody. Oh and I forgot to add that Penelope was in the room. Yes...so he locked he, his wife and his son in a burning room while his poor wife watches the slaughter. Worse part was that he didn't even feel upset when Penelope is assumed dead. He was like:
Telemachus: Oh mom's still in the burning room roasting alive. I think she's dead
Odysseus: Ehh.......Whatever
He sure does win the husband of the year award.

Dialogue: *groans* For some reason they tried to make it modern like Clash of the Titans so they included modern phrases like "Shove it up your ass", "mother fugga" and "I'll be back" (a line which I can't help but think about the Terminator). Dear Hollywood, if you wanna have your character be relatable to teenagers you don't have to have them say modern phrases, have tattoos. Give them issues that the teen can relate to. I wouldn't be suprised if in the second draft of this script Odysseus starts to rap, wears Abercrombie, and listen to Lady gaga. Oh and I wouldn't be suprised if the soundtrack is some loud rock music and the trailer includes quick action sequences, very little talking, and boasts it's CGI.

So if I could give Odysseus a final grade it would be a D-. Sure some action sequences were average at best, but the characters and plot are nothing like the source material. Plus I'll never forgive them for killing Telemachus. Suggested cast:
Odysseus: Channing tatum (I'm not happy with this script, so it deserves a crappy cast)
Penelope: Megan fox
Telemachus: Some good actor who can make the other actors look worse. Dear Telemachus you will not die a bad actor

My next script review

Coming possibly tommorow I will write a review for the sh!t stopper, the horrible, and down right unfaithfully adapted script known as....Odysseus. You see Hollywood is losing ideas rapidly and more and more books/comic books/old movies/tv shows are being made into movie. What better place to seek ideas than Greek Mythology? If you've noticed recently there have been a lot of Greek Mythology movies being made (or have been made). Here are some:
1. Clash of the Titans
2. Percy Jackson
3. Wonder Woman (well the animated one and possibly upcoming live action. Also I plan to write a review for two Wonder Woman scripts I found)
4. God of war
5. Untitled 300 sequel
6. Thor (well that's Norse mythology actually. But since It's mythology then it basicly counts)
7. The script which shall not be named (fine Odysseus)

Before you cry "But, It's the Odyssey. They can't go wrong!". Think again. Not only does the movie start when Odysseus comes home (so no Cyclops, Sirens, Calypso, Circe, Scylla and all the cool stuff), but they literally make up a plot just to force this movie to be longer than two hours. Plus they do the one thing that when I tell you Homer will probably role in his grave. Well I better go finish this god awful script and wonder why they didn't just make a movie off of the Odyssey.

Script review: Thor

Now I havn't finished the whole script yet (I don't have the guts to. I'll tell you later why), but from what I read all I can say is "WOW". This script is like Lord of the Rings epic. It is only the first draft, and if they stuck with that first draft then the movie would cost over 300 million dollars. There is soo much going on and we get to see soo much stuff. There are viking battles, horned hats, weird tree people who rip your heads off, frost giants, Norse Gods, flying horses, and that's all that I've read in 30 pages and the script is over 130 pages.

The reason why I don't have the guts to read it all is not because I don't want to spoil the movie (even though I can tell that the final draft is 10000% different from the draft that I have because in the draft I have the Destroyer, Jane Foster, Darcy and several other things don't appear) because something about your main lead being a total arrogant asshole just doesn't appeal to me. Plus the fact that I always get weirded out when I read the part where Thor is sent to earth and things get all....freaky.
I'm personally suprised that this is being rated Pg-13 when there is a scene where Thor basically crushes a guy's skull with his bare hands, and so many scenes where I thought "When did this turn into a porno" (there isn't any sex in it, but there are soo many akward moments which make me think that the writers were horny when writing the script) Seriously....and this is pg-13? Thank god they changed that..hopefully

My current review (even though I havn't finished it yet): ★★★★☆ (it would have been five stars if it weren't for those certain....ummm....weird moments)

Script review: Green Lantern

This might seem new to you guys, but I am planning to start writing script reviews for several movie scripts I have found. Some of those scripts include the Green Lantern first draft, the A-team (I believe it's the first draft), the ditched Johny Quest script, the first draft of the Thor script, two Wonder Woman scripts, and several others. Here's my grading scale:
☆☆☆☆☆: FCK YOU WHOEVER MADE THIS piece of crap! RAAAA!
★☆☆☆☆: God I hate this. Somebody needs to be fired
★★☆☆☆: Meeh. Forgettable. Has few good moments but a whole lotta bad ones
★★★☆☆: Good. With a decent cast, and good director this could be a really good movie
★★★★☆: Great! The pros out weigh the cons and I have no doubt it will be good
★★★★★: Better than the Dark Knight, Iron man, The Godfather, Star Trek, and the original star wars series combined! :D
So let's begin with my simple Green Lantern script review. Here's a brief summary of the Green Lantern movie (plot wise):A test pilot named Hal Jordan is granted a green power ring that bestows him with otherworldly powers. It also gives him membership in an intergalactic police force called the Green Lantern Corps, tasked with keeping peace within the universe

Pros: My favorite parts of the scripts are the scenes that include Sinestro. Man they (the script writers) nailed Sinestro. He is just soo incredibly awesome. He has some great lines and his fight scenes are cool. I never knew that Sinestro used a scimitar and was a great motivational speaker. Sinestro is awesome and I can't wait to see him go bad in the sequel. Yes Sinestro pulls off the old 'mentor goes evil' thing. The script is full of little references to green lantern and dc related things (for example: several DC cities like Star City and Gotham city are referenced) and there are some moments that both foreshadow the involvement of Star Sapphire and Sinestro as villains in the sequel.
Now onto our main lead Hal Jordan . Let me just say that I bet the writers had Ryan Reynolds in mind when they were writing this. Some of the lines seem like stuff Ryan Reynolds would say in real life. Hal in the script is both slightly funny (in an asshole like way), cocky, and just plain likeable. Ryan Reynolds is the perfect fit for Hal.
The action sequences seem really cool and I can't wait to see the ring constructs (even though Dc really does have an obsession with swords)
Then there's our main villain Hector Hammond. All I have to say about him it just "God I hate his guts". He does some really heartless things. Spoiler Alert: He actually uses his mind powers to force Hal (as Green Lantern of coarse) to kill innocents. DAMN!

Cons: During a very great scene where Sinestro is giving a major pep talk to the fellow corps members before they head off to find Legion (one of the villains) and he ends by saying the Green Lantern warrior cry. The cry is "WE! ARE! THE! CORPS!". WARNING THE CHEESE LEVEL HAS GONE TO MAXIMUM! I literally face-palmed when I read that. It was just soo cheesy and odd. Talk about ruining a perfectly good scene.
A major con is Carol Ferris (who in the sequel will most likely become the villainess Star Sapphire). A major problem I have with her character is that she is too weak. Spoiler Alert: Towards the end, Carol is trapped in a plane which is heading towards the cliff, and for some reason she could have just pushed the eject button but instead had Hal push the eject button for her. That's pretty weak.

Overall it's a very good script and I know it's gunna be a great movie. It is being directed by Martin Campbell. Stars Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan, Blake Lively as Carol Ferris, Mark Strong as Sinestro, and Peter Sarsgaard as Hector Hammond.

My rating:★★★★☆

The Talking Cake parody chapter two: Stop ignoring me

Chapter two: Stop ignoring me

Our four heroes were sitting in Claire and Daisy’s bakery. Claire looked straight ahead, and whispered to Daisy, “We’re on. Say your line”. Daisy perked up and said, “So you think we should get a carriage to ride in”. Will replied, “Yah, and exactly what time period are we in?”.
Claire shrugged and answered, “The author never really decided what time period this took place in. The book is clearly modern enough to feature Azerbeijan, and Ireland, but not modern enough to use swords. Yet we wear clothes from the 17th century. I guess we’re sometime in the 15th century or something like that. That made more sense in my head”.

Suddenly there was a puff of smoke and flame and a old evil witch appeared. It was Minerva. None of our heroes reacted, and Minerva shouted, “It is I Minerva! I have come here to kill….umm hello right here”. The others didn’t seem to notice her, and Claire took a deep whiff of the air and said, “Eww what’s that smell. Daisy did you leave the fire on?”
Minerva shot some energy blasts at the, but Claire, Daisy and Will managed to avoid them. Claire shouted in fear, “ Who could have done such a thing? Oh my god, Carlisa must be in here invisible. Clearly this must be Carlisa”.
Minerva sobbed, “Stop ignoring me”. Will said, “Yah I mean why would the author waste her time with the other witches. Carlisa clearly is the main witch”. Minerva whimpered, “Stop…ignoring me! Anne you better talk about me more. I’m a villain too right”
Me: Sorry your being cut due to the fact that basicly Carlisa is the main villain.

Minerva was in disbelief with the author’s decision, and yelled, “ So is that why your having them ignore me!? Because I’m not as important as Carlisa!”
Me: Basically. Ever wonder why this scene never made it in the final novel
Minverva: God I hate literature

NOW BACK TO THE ACTION:
Claire wondered, “Ok so that was weird. So you were saying we should get a carriage? Yah so thankfully we’ll forget common sense and have a carriage appear in the next ten minutes”.

MEANWHILE SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY IN A PLACE THAT IS NEVER ACTUALLY NAMED:

Carlisa was reading the script to the remake and mumbled, “Wait so I had an affair with…” before Carlisa could reveal any details about the remake, Minerva ran up to her and cried, “CARLISA STOP!” Carlisa stopped, rolled her eyes and said, “What?”. Minerva quickly explained that the author is attempting to keep details about the remake a secret other than the details already released to the public. Carlisa then asked Minerva seriously, “Did you kill Will?”. Minerva answered, “He didn’t even look at me. But you still love me, don’t you”. Carlisa was too busy looking at her nails, and said, “Girl, not even the author loves you”. Minerva slumped in sadness, and blubbered, “I guess I might as well go off screen till the author decides to have either Will, Claire, Daisy..err not Daisy, or Trevor kill me off. Bye audience”.
Minerva walked off screen and doesn’t return for another couple chapters.

Carlisa, ignoring Minerva, walked over to the window where a generic black crow with bright red eyes was perched on the mantle. She said to the bird, “Find me Prince Will of Nohavia, and let me know exactly where he is. Go…now!”. The bird flew off and Carlisa thought, “God I’m soo bad-ass”.

Final results for the Mary sue quiz

Not suprisingly Nancy was the biggest Mary sue (at 81 points), then suprisingly Claire was the second Mary sue (at 76 points I think), Will was next, then Daisy, and Ariel at the last. Wow I thought Claire would be the least Mary-Suish, but I guess not. I was even more suprised that Ariel was the least Mary Suish. I intentionally based her off of me, and I made it a wish fulfillment. But I guess that since she gave up some times, and she was pretty selfish (but in an unintentional way. So wow my prediction was partialy wrong. Nancy was the biggest Mary sue (though I'd count her as a angsty sue because she spent most of the time moping, and having bad stuff happen to her).

The Mary sue test

I have five characters from several of my books, and we're going to see whose the bigger Mary Sue/Gary stu. Our contestants are Daisy, Claire and Will from the original Talking Cake, Ariel from The Race to the City of Gold and Nancy from the Diary of a Lipgloss addict. I found a Mary Sue litmus test and we"ll see which one is the bigger Mary sue. All I have to do is answer some simple questions and then the tally up the number of answers selected and then it will reveal if your character is a Mary sue. This is the grading scale.
0-16 Points
Most likely Not-Sue. Characters at this level could probably take a little spicing up without hurting them any.

17-21
Probably not a Mary-Sue, although a character can go either way at this point. Fanfiction writers should pay attention to ensure that their characters aren't getting too Sue-ish. For an RPG or original fiction character, however, you're probably perfectly fine.

22-29
Some definite Sue-like tendancies here. A little polishing might be in order to put original fiction and RPG characters back into the balance, especially if Kirking is involved. Fanfiction characters should probably have some work done.

30+
Fanfiction authors beware - Mary's on the loose. There's still a chance you can save this character with some TLC, though. Role-players and original fiction characters, you should also strongly consider giving your character a workover.

36+
Fanfiction authors, you might just want to start over. Role-players and original fiction authors, at this point your characters are likely to provoke eye-rolling and exclaimations of "yeah, right!" from your readers. (Well, at least from me.) Immediate workover is probably in order.

50+
Kill it dead. Or make sure you read the instructions properly (some people don't do this, which causes freakishly high scores) and take the test again.


I'm predicting that Nancy will be the biggest sue, following Will, then Ariel, then Daisy, and Claire at the last. Let's see what the final results are. *results will be posted later*

Who stays and who goes: Daisy or the three other witches

In the Talking Cake original, Daisy serves a serious role (but that role kinda dwindles throughout the book until the end), anf the three witches were the villains. So who serves a greater role. The three witches (I'm not including Carlisa, because she is 100% going to be in the remake), or Daisy (our stereotypical damsel in distress). First lets see how each character impacted the story:

Daisy: The first part of the book, her only goal seemed to be just being with Will, and most of the time she was a damsel. Near the end was when she finally showed that she can kick ass (she killed Carlisa). My only problem with her is that she seemed too stereotypical, and didn't really help the story till the end

The 3 witches: Minerva, Drisela, and.....Laverna (I always forget their names) main purpose in the book was to make the fight even. You know 4 vs 4. I also made them so each of the heroes could kill a witch. Despite the fact that Carlisa was the youngest, she some how managed to have leadership over the group.

So who stays? The stereotypical damsel who really didn't help the story, or the three witches who were only purpose was to let each of the heroes kill one. The person(s) who will go to the remake is....Daisy! Yah the only evil witch (god that's cliche) will be Carlisa, even though she really was the only villain in the original and the others were kinda more like henchmen than actual villains.

The Talking Cake: A parody

So I have been working on a spoof of the Talking Cake. Here is the first chapter of parody. *note my characters do break the fourth wall a lot*

Our story begins in the cliché town of Septleford. You know the type of village where everybody is happy-doodly happy and everybody is stupid enough to not realize that the two main characters are witches. That type of village. An old man, who will no longer have a purpose after this scene, came into the small bakery where our heroines live. Claire, our stereotypical savior, and Daisy, our stereotypical dumb blonde (who never really acts that dumb) have been preparing some bakery goods (because that’s what bakers do. In this fictional world women can own a business). Claire turned to Daisy and said, “Daisy, the plot device is heading this way”. Daisy looked over to Claire and said in a pirky voice, “Now? I thought we had more time”. Claire replied, “No we gotta rush this story, remember?”. Daisy nodded.
The old man leisurely shambled his way (see I’m raping the thesaurus) to the ladies and said, “Hi I’m the plot device. Here’s the magical potion, don’t ask me how I got it. It’s never explained. Well…that’s all the time the author gave me. Adieu ladies”. He left without saying another word and that’s the last you‘ll ever see and hear of him.
Claire looked down at the potion and said, “Well I guess the plot starts now. I might as well put this potion, which is clearly a just a normal potion that I got from a creepy old man, onto a cake and then leave. Come on Daisy, lets go”. The two leave, and the stereotypical handsome prince starts to form.
That night as Claire and Daisy slept, Daisy whispered, “So I was originally supposed to be this girl named Sarah. You know a self insert, but the author decided to make me a total airhead. Sucks doesn’t it”. Claire nodded, and wondered, “Wait why the hell are we sleeping over at the bakery when the author clearly states that we have a house? Wow this author will do anything to force this story to begin”. Claire waited a couple seconds before she heard the stereotypical prince calling for help. Claire sighed and walked over to the bakery area where the cakey prince was residing. Claire jumped with a fright, and thought, “Ok surprised reaction is done”.
Claire looked down at the cake with the face and said, “What the hell? This doesn’t make sense”. The cake replied seriously, “Nothing in this book is meant to make sense. Ok so I’m Will, I’ll be the main price of this book, and yah I’m a cake. Oh now don’t worry about me being a cake for long. I’ll only be a cake for one chapter, which totally defeats the purpose of this book being called The Talking Cake ”. Claire nodded with agreement, she then said, “So I’m guessing your going to tell us about the four witches”. The cake nodded (because in this book cakes can nodd), and said, “Yah so there are four witches who cursed me and my country of Nohavia. And now for some reason you have to help me. You know the cliché stuff. These witches can only be killed by other witches, or if their wand is broken”.
Claire asked, “Wait so they can be killed if their wands are broken, so why is there the whole ‘only witches can kill witches’ thing?”. The cake calmly replied, “The author wanted to make it so each of the main heroes gets to kill a witch. I’m not the author, so I’m not supposed to know these things. Let’s just ignore it and hope the audience forgets about it. So…I hope you’re a special kind of which whose wand can be broken and you can still live”. Claire nodded, knowing that the canon the author set out was altered so it would be harder for Claire to die. The prince, whose name is William (hint hint his name means strong-willed warrior), then said happily, “Ok so that’s enough character development. Bring on my love interest”. Claire then called for Daisy, and Daisy skipped into the room. Once she saw Will’s cake face, she exclaimed, “Even though I just met you, I find myself drawn to you”.
Will was pleased and said, “Well we got a couple minutes to prepare before the adventure starts. I hope you girls can easily pick up skills”. Claire and Daisy nodded, but Daisy was too enthralled in Will’s beautiful face. Will said, “So I’m guessing that’s the end of chapter one”. Claire sighed, “Yah, so…did anything get accomplished?” Will shook his head no and said, “Nothing really. So I guess we should probably leave and find some way to get ourselves in trouble”. The others agreed and left. Meanwhile somewhere far away the four witches were devising a plan to kill Will (which is what all villains seem to do these days)

Hope you like it, more might come soon.

Whose staying and whose going: Azerbaijan (Or whatever you call it) or Austin/Benjamin

In the original Talking Cake, the country known as Azerbaijan (which was unfortunately is a real country in a book with a bunch of fictional things in it), and two Irish guys named Austin and Benjamin. Only one (or two if you count the Irish guys)will make it into the remake (or is it reboot. I'll check and see whats the difference)). So which one is it? Lets first see how these characters/destination impacted the story, you know to see if the book can continue if the things were gone.

Azerbeijan: It was the home of the magical ruby which can break curses. Coarse I didn't really do my research and my portrayal of Azer-whatever is highly incorrect.

Austin and Benjamin: They were basicly only in the story just so I could give my two cousins a cameo. I've also noticed that some of my relatives were given unneeded cameos. Austin and Benjamin's role in the book was I guess to let the main characters that they are in Ireland (another example of a real country in a fictional universe. Fail), and as a limited time comic relief.

So which stays in the remake. *drum roll* The Azerbeijan thing. Though it will be renamed and finally fit the description that I made (more of a desert city). Sorry Austin and Benjamin, your characters were just unneeded cameos and nothing else. Oh and I found out that the new book is a remake. It will contain some of the elements of the original, but with some new stuff.
The next episode of Whose staying and whose going will be Daisy (our stereotypical damsell in distress whose main purpose was to be the love interest of Will) and the three witches (Carlisa is still going to be in the remake no matter what). Who wills tay and who will go?

The first steps in the Talking Cake remake/reboot (which ever it is)

Once again I'll be saying this "I'm seriously thinking of remaking (or is it rebooting?) the Talking Cake (+ it won't be called the Talking Cake anymore). I have bene working on a blueprint on some major changes and some things I plan to keep. Here is my plan for the remake (or is it reboot? I could never tell the difference). The only thin I'm seriously worried about is that the Talking Cake (and some parts of the remake/reboot) is VERY cliche. God I hate cliches, but the entire premise of the book seems pretty cliche. Heres the main cliche in this book,

In a time of troubles, a group of adolescents are drawn together through circumstance and destiny to form a group that is larger than the sum of its parts. Generally, these young people are outcasts, orphans, or people on the fringes of society. Most or all of these people also possess some form of special powers (hint hint Claire's magical abilities)'. These characters eventually find friendship, community, and sometimes love with the others in their newly formed group (cough cough the Will/Daisy relationship and Claire/Trevor thing). This group frequently ends up either overthrowing the current social order (often to restore it to the realm's previous idyllic state) or overcoming some threat that no one else is aware of or able to face.

Wow I'm really not that creative. CURSES!

How come I keep getting drawn back to the Talking Cake?

Last night I kept thinking of ways to remake the Talking Cake, but give it a more realistic, darker tone. That unfortunately means no more magical elements (witches, troll demons, fairies, ect). I had even revised an alternate version of the book just to make it more realistic. Cause I recently got a comment saying how the witches thing was too overused, and I realized that the Talking Cake was pretty cliched. Now there is a very low chance that I will fall through with my darker Talking Cake thing (I don't know if I will even keep the whole cake thing). I'm still doubting my writing ability, and so far my ideas are pretty dark and wouldn't make it a childrens book (more of a teen novel). I mean my ideas are REALLY dark. Here is one of my current ideas:
1. Years before the events of the Talking Cake (you know when Nohavia was still there), Prince Will had an affair with Carlisa (who will be rewritten as a warrior princess of another country). When Will dumped her, she went crazy and convinced her father to invade Nohavia (saying that Will had abused her and that was a reason to invade the country). During the invasion, Nohavia's king and queen are killed. Will manages to escape but knows that a majority of Nohavia's citizens are enslaves and or dead (I know that sounds cliche, but lets continue). Trevor (who Carlisa know has a fancy for) is taken captive by Carlisa and goes off the map for a while. *now we all know that he escapes, but that's pretty obvious.
2. Daisy will be taken out of the book because I feel that she mainly served as a love interest for Will, rather than a vital part of the story. Claire will be the female lead (I always liked Claire better). Claire will be (like in the original) a good fighter (but not a witch). I had a tiny idea of making Claire either a old friend of Carlisa (whom Carlisa now hates) or even make Claire Carlisa's sister (banished duh). You know just to add some depth to the characters and make the Claire/Carlisa rivalry a little more interesting.

Yah my ideas do sound pretty cliche, but at least I'm trying. I'll make a Talking Cake remake when I feel more confident about my writing. First I gotta read a whole lot of teen fantasy fiction (you know to try to base my writing style off of theirs to get the true feel of writing a mature fantasy). I may or may not keep Claire and Carlisa as witches, you know just to keep the fantasy genre in the book. Who knows, but I still think that I won't 'raise the Talking Cake'. But you guys can stay hopeful.

The song that reminded me on how much I once loved the Talking cake (wow this is a long title :)

Here is the song/video (be sure to watch the WHOLE video):

The Talking Cake and I'd relationship if like Batman and Catwoman's

Sometimes I feel bad for the book, and accept it as fairly good. (while other times I insult the book to death!) Today I listened to a song that I had played along with a fake trailer for the Talking Cake, and I was reminded on how much I loved that book. I suddenly felt bad for insulting the book. I mean it was ok, not publishing worthy. Sure it had Mary/ Gary sues, the plot was off the wall at some points (but at least it made sense), it had many cliches in it, but I just love the characters, and it was fun to write. *Groans in sadness* if only that book didn't have all those bad stuff in it. I mean that book had potential to be a cute kids book (ehh not really because compared to other books, TC sucked. but it was something cute to read to my cousins).
I don't know really. The Talking Cake still holds a place in my heart no matter how much I insult it. I wonder how many more songs I will find that make me feel bad for making fun of the Talking Cake.

I just have to find a way to get rid of all my hate of the Mary sues

I mean I have three Mary sues (Alyssa, Phoebe, and Bella Swan. with Alyssa being the worst) that keep bugging me in my sleep, and I gotta find a way to unleash all my anger. I don't wanna talk too much about how much I hate them on this blog, so I gotta find a way to unleash the fury! So in order to get rid of my anger I'm going to make a short, but very angry rant on these three Mary sues:
AHHHHHHH I HATE THIS BLEEPIN MARY SUES THEY'RE TOO PERFECT, I WANT JASON VOORHEES TO SLAUGHTER THEM ALL AND THEN PISS ON THEIR DEAD BODIES! AHHHH RAAAAA! I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE THEM ALL! ALYSSA IS TOO PERFECT SMERFECT! PHOEBE IS A UNGRATEFUL WHINY BITCH WHO SHOULD LIVE IN HAITI FOR A WHILE TILL SHE REALIZES HOW LUCKY SHE FREAKIN HAS IT! BELLA IS BASICALLY A FAT MORMON HOUSEWIFES' SELF INSERT. ALYSSA CAN DIE FOR ALL I CARE, I WANT ALL THOSE CAMP CONFIDENTIAL BOOKS TO BE BURNED IN A MASS GRAVE BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES MARY SUE! WHY IS IT EVEN CALLED CAMP CONFIDENTIAL IN THE FIRST PLACE?! THERE ARE NO MAJOR SECRETS OTHER THAN 'HE LIKES SHE AND 'I CANT DECIDE WHETHER TO GO OUT WITH HIM OR HIM!'! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! F THEM ALL F THEM ALLL!

There now I feel much better. Sorry for going all psyco on you guys, but I just had to get it out some way or another

The top categories of Wish fulfillment

Every I mean every novel has some form of wish fulfillment in it. Here's a list of common categories of wish fulfillment in novels.



1. "How I wish my childhood/teenage years were like': most tween/teen romances tend to fall into this category. It is done when the author (who usually had a bad childhood) first images a version of herself but more perfect, and then surrounds herself with the friends she always wanted. Most authors then give their character great grades, have tons of guys like her, and have the character get everything she ever wanted. Examples: Charmed Forces (the author clearly was imagining herself as Alyssa, and the other girls are the author's friends she wished she knew), Zoey Dean's Talent (need I say more), Twilight (read my older posts), Fan fiction, and Oh My Gods (I guess the author wished she was a selfish bitch), The Diary of a Lip gloss addict
2. "How I wished my sex life was like": Authors of Harlequin and basically every romance novel do wish that they could live out the sex life that their character is living. Example: Harlequin, Twilight (again), Gossip Girl
3. "How I wished my life was in general": Some subcategories of this category include: "I just wanna be beautiful", "I just want to kick ass", "I just want to be wanted", "I just want to be rich", ect.

My favorite and least favorite books

Favorite (in no particular order):
1. The Hunger games: The plot was interesting/addicting, the characters were likable, and it always kept me guessing. This film should 100% be made into a film. I would soo see it
2. Graceling: The main heroine kicks ass! I always love a strong female lead rather than a weak little character who justs gets her ass kicked. Karsa (the main heroine) is awesome! She fights, plus she is anything but a Mary sue. She has the ability to kill people by touching them (and she hates it), she feels guilty for accidentally killing her cousin, she is disliked/feared the whole kingdom, and she is used as an executioner/torturer. I feel bad for her. Plus the plot is cool and is very interesting. I can't wait to finish it!
3. The Vampire diaries: It's everything Twilight should be. It's 1,000 percent way better than Twilight. It's definitely has a spot in my fave books

Least favorite( aka most hated books): This time in order of most hated to just normal hate
1. Charmed Forces: Read my older posts and you'll know why I hated this book. Two words: Mary-Sues
2. A tie between Zoey Dean's talent and Martin the Warrior: Your probably surprised that I put Martin the Warrior on the list. Personally I was lost the whole book. Zoey Dean's talent's problem is obvious. For one thing the author put her name in the freakin title (just like James Cameron). Looks like Zoey was desperate for attention (I bet Zoey is trying to say "HEY GUYS THIS IS MY TALENT! PLEASE READ THIS BOOK!). Other than the title this book was incredibly boring! I never got past chapter three before I was getting bored out of my mind! Plus it was kinda unrealistic: A 12 year old can pose as another 12 year olds agent and people actually believe her? Here are some unrealistic elements: The main heroines don't act like tweenagers, more like snobby, materialistic eighteen year olds. Most singing sensations aren't 12, most are 15+. Plus you need an agent and tons of experience rather than an authors easy way of forcing the story along. GOD I just hated this book. It pained me every time I read this book. Unlike Charmed Forces where I had the guts to finish the book, I never could finish this book. It was soo boring
3. Any of the books by Carole Marsh. God she sucks as an author. No time/thinking was spent writing these books (I'm guessing it took her less than two days to write each book). The characters are a toned down Mary sue (their flaws are meant to be cute), it has mixed messages. There are grammatical/spelling errors. The plots were unoriginal, and cliched. The only reason this is number three is because I enjoyed the books while reading them.
4. Oh my gods! The main heroine was a whiny brat who wasn't thankful for ANYTHING. I just wanted to go slap her across the face for being soo ungrateful. She can't accept defeat, and thinks she must be the best at everything. Whine whine whine, that's all she does.


You might have noticed that Twilight wasn't on my worst list. I didn't put this on my list because I really liked Twilight when I was reading it, and it still has a place in my heart (though that place is very small). The book isn't that bad that I have to put it on my worst list, but it is still pretty bad.

Books I enjoyed but aren't my favorite:

1. Lucky T: IDK why I liked this book. It was kinda funny to see this girls life fall apart when a t-shirt goes missing and go through the cliche 'coming of age' story
2. Gossip girl: I only read the books because it was a tv show, and I saw a couple other girls reading the books. Now even my mom is reading the books! Yes an adult is reading a book meant for teens.
3. Cross my heart and hope to spy: Just a cute book, nothing else
4. Song of the Sparrow: Ohh the joys of reading poetry about the King Arthur legends. It was a beautiful book.
5. The Lovely bones: This book made me sad...kinda. Some parts of the book were really good while other parts weren't
6. The Secret Life of a Teenage Siren: A Simon Pulse romantic comedy which once again was a clear fits into the category of 'wish fulfillment'. Think about it: the main heroine Roxy suddenly becomes this beautiful siren and has tons of guys fawning over her. She can use her magical abilities to get everything she ever wanted....yadda yadda yadda. I believe this wish fulfillment goes into the category of 'How I wished my childhood was like'. I mean most people usually do want to be beautiful at a young age and have tons of guys begging for you. Oh and soon I plan to write the most common categories of Wish Fulfillment. This book was basically a dumb read for me. Sure it had it's flaws, but at least I could imagine myself as Roxy and live out a fictional life of being drop-dead gorgeous, getting every material good I ever wanted, and having tons of guys fawn over me. Here's how my reaction was at the end of the book, "Ok so the book is over, everybody is better off.....seriously did anything actually get accomplished?"
7. The Virgin secretary's impossible boss: A couple months ago I was planning to write an article on Harlequin for this blog, and I felt like I had to actually read a Harlequin before I rip the company to shreds. So I went to Target and bought the most cliched Harlequin book I could find. This book had the two common stereotypes of Harlequin: a rich, handsome billionaire and a sensible virgin girl. I never actually finished it (I read a couple chapters, imagined it was me, and then skipped to the sex scene).

A major road block in the making of my superhero book

This is horrible news. I just realized that my superhero book idea has many similarities to the film The Last Action hero. For those who are lucky enough to not know about this film the film is basicly about a boy who is teleported into the film universe. The kid then starts pointing out the cliches, and sometimes references other films. Then somehow that kid becomes the sidekick of the action hero (played by Arnold Swartzenegger), and the film ends when both the action hero and the kid teleported into the real world and fight the villain (who talks briefly about bringing other film villains into the real life).
DAMN YOU MOVIE! I mean there are soo little differences between my idea and the The last action hero (oh and the similarities are unintentional). This sucks. I mean I could try to have the superheroes come into the real life.....Nope that seems like a mixture of the He-man movie and the Last f-ing Action hero. Well rest in peace, potentially good story idea.

My official details for the superhero story

I'm now in serious consideration for writing the story about the superheroes. Here is some stuff that I absolutly plan to do for the book:
-It will be mostly a comedy, but will have some action/adventure moments in it
-I will be refrencing other comic book characters (Superman, batman, Captain America, hulk, ect)
-It will be for kids ages 8-12.

Now I have been thinking of several scenes to add into the story. As a treat I plan to give you a uber special preview on a certain scene I want to add in. *note this is script like. so it's mostly just the lines*

Holly: So do you think there's a possiblity we might have...you know superpowers? We are in a comic book, right.
Evangeline: We're in Falcon comics, so there's a low chance of that.
Holly: Why?
Evangeline: Unless we're bombarded with radioactive waves, have some mutation, or are given super-soldier steroids, then we're just your every day human.
Holly: Well that sucks. Stupid realisticness
Evangeline: yah. I mean we're surrounded by gods and near-gods and we're mortals. If only I had brought a DC, then we'd have powers.

Ok so it's going ok so far. I have been thinking of fun ways to reference superheroes. Oh and Falcon comics is basiclly like a spoof of Marvel comics (which is known for its realisticness).

A demotivational poster

Some book ideas I have been throwing around

Let me make this clear: This is not a 100% confirmation that I will ever start writing fiction again.
Recently I have been thinking of going back into writing, so I started thinking of ideas for books down, and some things to change about my writing style over-all. Here are some things I plan to change:

1. Seeing that the book Charmed Forces was written almost identically to the way that I used to write mine and somehow that book got published, then maybe I should change my target audience from teens my age to writing more children's books. Though that comes at the hard price of dumbing down my books, making it more simple conflicts, and cutting down on the action :( But at least it will be easier to write...hopefully.

2. Definitly make my characters more relatable, and show rather than tell. I gotta show my character's flaws rather than just throwing the flaws at the audience and expecting the audience to accept the flaws. Plus it makes my characters seem like Mary sues (even though Alyssa had no flaws, and somehow the book she was in still managed to get published. Ohh the irony). Oh and have my characters act their age. So an 12 year old should act like a 12 year old rather than a 15 year old (unless their character is supposed to be mature)

3. Stop trying to add in descriptive action sequences. Though one of the book ideas I have does
require some action, but if I plan to keep it in a PG rating then I either gotta not describe it as much, or at least not let it drag on. Most of my books had long descriptions of battle scenes that lasted many chapters and were kinda boring in some parts

4. Don't bond to my characters too much. My next goal is to have the ability to kill off a character (even though if I plan to write preteen fiction then I might not want to graphically kill of characters). I gotta be able to let go of characters, and maybe have stuff happen to them that might not end up in their benefit. My attachment issues probably have something to do with the fact that I usually base most of my characters off of me and I kinda 'fall in love' with a certain character and just can't bear to lose them

5. Stop being sane. As writing-world.com says "All writers are insane", that shouldn't be too hard for me to accomplish this one. ;)

6. Make events make sense. I should stop adding in random events as 'filler' or to force the story forward. All events should help the plot some how

7. Get my confidence up. My problem is that I get the 'Writing blues'. Most writers say that spending time alone writing can cause depression, weight gain (because each word you write is at least 100 calories), and poor productivity. Believe me I just hate it when I abandon a potentially good concept. Some times I even feel like I'm forcing myself to continue a book. The main reasons I abandon a book is a) I think my writing sucks and decide a wait a couple years to rewrite the book b) Just don't find the will to continue c) I think "wow this is crap", and delete the project. d) fear that my book won't be as good as the idea I am thinking of. I like have the attention span of a goldfish if I don't get really devoted to a certain idea.

8. Have one set audience. In most of my stories the age audience kinda flip flops. Some times it hearty like a children's novel (age 8-10) but sometimes it's violent and mature like a young adult novel. Definitely gotta have a ideal audience age. Is it going to be for children or teens?

now for the moment of truth: my top two ideas for my next book:
1. Well I'm kinda going through a superhero craze phase, and writing about something you enjoy is kinda easier than writing about something you don't enjoy. What's a better way to show my love for the comic genre....making fun of it of coarse! Here's my idea, "
Comic book loving Evangeline Huffy is sent to a all-girls camp for the summer when her parents force her out. At first Evangeline hates being there till she meets Holly Fields, a witch. Holly invites Evangeline to a special ceremony which allows humans to speak to a living, dead, or fictional person for a while. Then Holly’s spell accidentaly teleports the girls into Evangeline’s favorite comic book: the Liberty knights. Unfortunately when they teleport in, the Liberty Knight’s team leader is killed when the lightening bolt that teleported the girls into the comic universe strikes him. Now Evangeline and Holly are forced to be the replacements for the fallen hero, and they start to question their ability to be the new heroes (especially at their young ages of 12 and 13). Things get worse when the Liberty Knight’s enemy known as Sherina Reel (a demon who can turn into any human/superhuman ever, but prefers to keep the form of a child in order to fool her opponents) seeks to destroy the Liberty Knights. Unfortunately Holly and Evangeline's presence has altered the reality in the comic book and now there is a possibility that them and the Liberty Knights could get killed. "

Ok so I know that your probably thinking, "Wow this is soo a wish fulfillment of yours". Yes and no. Yes I would probably want to be in a comic book, but I personally don't really see this as total wish fulfillment......ok this probably is wish fulfillment for me, but I plan to change that. I plan to make my characters different from me (and not in a "if I was perfect I'd be like this" way), and try as hard as I can to not imagine myself as Evangeline (though that might be hard seeing as that we already have one thing in common: our love for comics. Gosh this is getting worse than I thought). And is it me or does this sound like something you'd see a made-for-tv movie being made about? I gotta go check and see if this idea is still original.

2. This idea is one I just thought of today but the only problem with it is that it will be hard to make it make sense. Here's what the confusing part is: It's a fictional story about a fictional character. Now before you start scratching your heads let me explain. Now most of you hopefully know that I hate Mary sues, and since I read that bs known as Charmed Forces, I had to find a way to get rid of my hate. What better way to get rid of my hate of Mary sues then to write about it? Here's a quick summarization of my idea "A Mary sue, who is used to living a perfect life where everything works out for her, suddenly wakes up where the world she lives in is no longer perfect. She then has to cope with the fact that her perfect life is no longer perfect after her author died (oh and the author was the one who kept her life perfect) so now her life is a wreck. She now has to find a way to manage her new life (which she is now in control of).". Major plot holes: how can a fictional character take control of her life? Answer: Since the author is dead, then nobody is controlling the fictional universe that the Mary sue lives in, so anything can happen. Since the Mary sue (whom I havn't named yet) is used to having only good things happen (because the author made those things happen), mostly likely she'll be whammed with bad stuff. I also plan to reference the concept of wish-fulfillment and self-inserts (which the main heroine happens to be unfortunatly), and literary things. Yes I only want to write this book just to give Mary sues what I think they deserve. If I REALLY wanted to give those stinken Mary sues what they deserve, then I'd have my budddy Jason Voorhees kill them all....but I'm too nice for that.

3. Then there's that old worn down idea: remaking The Talking Cake. I still think that book was an epic fail which can never be cool.

Reading Vampire diaries: part 1

Plain and simple: I love this book. Elena is a way better character than Bella swan. Elena can take care of herself, has flaws, is brave, and not a wossy-cry baby like Bella. Basicly Vampire Diaries so far is what Twilight wants to be. I also noticed that the two books are very similar in ways, even though VD came out way before Twilight came out. Did Twilight plagarize?

Writing just isn't really my thing

I had an idea for a children's story, but right when I try to write it I just loose confidence. All my past books have been crap even though my parents say otherwise. The story idea was simple and something that could get easily published by Simon Pulse romantic comedies, but right when I thought about writing it I just couldn't. *sighs* writing just isn't how it once was. Maybe this is a sign that I'm not supposed to be a fiction writer. Though every time I think of something non-writing job like (modeling, acting) my dad always says,"I think you'll be famous by your writings". Bullcrap! My writing sucks and even though my parents keep saying my writing is good, it's still bad by comparison to other books. Writing just isn't my thing so far and unless I find that confidence I once had in my writings then I don't think I'll be writing any new stories any time soon.

Simon Pulse Romantic comedies: Harlequin for preteens

For those who havn't heard of Simon Pulse Romantic comedies here's a simple explanation. It's a large romantic comedy series meant for preteens. The stories are short, and the plots are usually fairly simple. Now I personally like to believe this is just Harlequin romance but for preteens. You know if you take away the sex, the large breasts, the whole 'every guy is a billionaire/millionaire/prince/or some other rich profession', add in some cheap comedy, and BOOM you got a Simon Pulse romantic comedy.
The similarities between the two companies is simple: the books are quick reads, and are meant as wish fulfillment for the readers. Harlequin ideal audience are bored housewives who don't get enough sex, while Simon's ideal audience is unkissed girls ages 8-12. Both companies only publish books which have happy ending, and their covers are very goofy looking. Harlequin's covers always feature a half-naked beautiful girl making out with a hot guy (and I've noticed that most of the covers are kinda alike. I see the same positions of the models, and occasionally the same models). While Simon pulse covers are usually a cartoon-like girl and a boy about to kiss, or doing something together. Some covers just feature the main heroine doing something that reflects on the story. Example: One Simon pulse book was about luck and playing cards, so the cover was a girl playing poker. It's very simple".
A year ago I was a big fan of these romantic comedies, and I don't really hate them today. They were just fun reads, even though I never really got the comedy in it. I reccomend the books are kids ages 8-11, even though I never got the comedy maybe you can.

The next book I will be reading

I'm working on the Vampire Diaries, and some other vampire romance which I can't remember the name to. So far the Vampire diaries has been good. Oh why is it that it is more fun to write about bad books than it is for good books?

And now the the thrilling conclucion (yes yes that's what this is)

I'm starting to believe that the first three chapters were written by a totally different author. Why might you ask? Because right when I started on chapter 4, the book suddenly changed...dramatically. Suddenly bad stuff started to happen to the characters (bad as in some things don't end their way), Alyssa and the other girls are less anoying and kinda show some personality. Though not a lot. Gaby now comes off as a freaky obsessive stalker who wants this guy named Donovan (what a weird name). The main heroines still are identical-boy crazy freaks, but at least I can tolorate them.
When I said that things don't go their way (unlike the first three chapters) the girls loose a race, I think Gaby embarrises herself in front of Donovan, the magical amethyst is stollen, and the girls instantly start accusing their friends of stealing it. Gaby finds out that the guy she wants doesn't love her in return and in fact loves her friend. Alyssa hads multiple visions of her friends in danger. WHY THE HELL WASN'T THE WHOLE BOOK LIKE THIS!? The character's have flaws, not everything goes their way, and did I mention that the characters are less annoying.
Coarse the moments of glee after reading a book that didn't feel like a burden were soon to end. The whole conflict of "One of your friends is going to possibly die" and " The magical amethyst has been stollen and can be used for evil" only lasted three chapters. So guess how the last ten chapters were spent. Mary-sueism. Gaby of coarse got the guy she wanted, turns out it did snow (which came with the cliche frollicking in the snow and snowball fight scene), and basicly every single character turned back into a Mary sue after the three chapters of me tollerating them. Oh and turns out Alyssa's friends weren't in trouble after all and it was just a fake vision. Thank you book for destroying what could have been a cool plot line. THANK YOU. *sarcasm*.

Overall I'd give this book a low C. The first three and last ten chapters were crap, while the book managed to redem itself during what I call the "conflict chapters". The book is good for girls ages 8-12 *but only if that kid hasn't read any mature books*, but anybody above 12 will be dissapointed.

Mary Sue/ perfect world moments in Charmed whatever

As I dreaded reading every single Mary-sue ridden page of this Charmed Forces, I decided to take note of all the Mary-sue moments in this book so far. Here's the list:
1. Everybody seems to adore Alyssa and the main heroines. One girl said, "I want to hang out with you because you seem nice". Wow that's so not like real life. That thing the girl said can easily be translated into, "I want to hang out with you because your soo awesome!".
2. The only people who don't like Alyssa are spiteful, mean and jealous of Alyssa. There is only like 5 people who don't like Alyssa and everybody in the campsite seem to not like them. Which kinda says "Those who don't like Alyssa are mean, unpopular and jealous of her"
3. Alyssa succeds (and gets) EVERYTHING! She won the rally and got the fastest time and everybody adored her more. She passed a uber hard test with flying colors despite the fact that she said she never studied and sucked at whatever the test was about. She got all her first choices for activities. She's the one who gets the magical abilities. Is this author even trying to have a flawed, non-perfect character? Cause so far I have found NO flaws of this little brat.
4. Nothing bad happens. The closest I ever got to a bad-thing was when the character Natalie's dog might have a tumor. That was the closest the book ever got so far to a bad moment. Of coarse turns out the dog was ok, and the book went straight back to it's happy, perfect utopia with it's Mary sues.
5. Alyssa is always right. So far even when she doesn't use the crystal she is always right.
6. Tons of guys love the girls. Ok might I add this this book seems as if it is written by boy-crazy preteens on a sugar high. There are long paragraphs of nothing but the girls going gaga over boys (who all seem the same. Cute, sweet, and...*groans*perfect). WHY THE HECK IS EVERYBODY PERFECT!?

Since I havn't even gotten to chapter 3 yet, I'll be praying for some form of bad event, or non-perfect moment to happen just so I can say that this book isn't all Mary Sues, and perfectness. GOD I hate this book.

Reading Charmed forces: part 1

I just can't do it. I just can't. This book is soo horrible. *sucks it up*. Well so far Alyssa is showing how perky perfect she is. Everybody loves her (one girl says, "I wanna hang out with you because you seem soo nice". Which easily translates into, "I wanna hang out with you because your soo awesome", she has gotten everything she wants (magical abilities, and tons of boys). Speaking of boys, there is one part where Alyssa says, "Oh I wonder whom he will choose", I said, "I bet it will be you, Alyssa". Alyssa is always right so far, and is described as being pretty. OMG this girl named Bella Swan look like a round character! I mean I just can't stand this girl! She has no flaws, and is the biggest Mary sue I have encountered in my entire life. She's a bigger Mary sue than most Harry Potter fan fictions. Alyssa is that bad! Plus she friends aren't any excuses to. They are equally perfect, and lacking personality. Character wise I give this book an F------. I just hate to read about these characters. They are too perfect, and just Mary sues. I have never read a book where I seriously hated the characters while reading the book. When I read Twilight and the Carole Marsh mysteries, I would generally stand the characters while reading it. But when I read this crap-tastical book I just wanna go slap some flaws onto these superficial girls and just get it over but. BUT NO! I have to finish this super-crapperf*&kerificexbeawholelottabullsh^t book just so I can write a complete review.
So far reading this book feels like I'm having my face burned on a hot stove while being injected with adrenaline which keeps me alive so I ma forced to live through every waking-painful moment.

A preview review for the book Camp Confidential: Charmed Forces

I was at my local library today and I happened to stumble across the book Charmed Forces. After looking at the cover (which featured two half-naked, thin girls in a snowglobe jumping in the air as if they are on a commercial for Limited Too), and read the back summary for the book, I had a bad feeling this book would be crap. The summary was: The members of bunk 6B have been sworn into secrecy: Alyssa is in possession of a seemingly magical amethyst, and some pretty weird things beggin to happen. Ever since she found the purple stone on the campgrounds, she's been accurately predicting her bunkmates' futures and interpreting their dreams. Now she predicts that it will snow! *end of summary. literally that's how it ends*
When I first read that I thought, "Wow wish fulfillment". I instantly thought that this was the author living out her ideal vacation/adventure with her ideal friends. Plus from what the summary says, there is no conflict. Sure the girls finds a magical rock but where's the conflict. Predicting snow doesn't make a conflict. I put the book back on the shelf but was tempted to come back and get it just so I can see how horrible it was.

During the car ride I decided to flip through the book. For one thing: The font and spacing is very large (which sets off the illusion of a long book). The author quickly rushed into the girls finding the crystal rather than showing us the character's personalities. To me they all seem like identical perky, perfect teens (even though they act like 10-year olds). Once they find the crystal they aren't even that impressed. I mean if I found a amethyst I would be like, "HOLY COW I'M RICH NOW! THIS IS AWESOME", but the girls treat it as if they found a piece of granite. I'm guessing that the author was trying to speed through them finding the crystal, character development, and rising action and just jumped over to them getting their magical abilities.
Now onto the writing. I am personally surprised that this book was meant for teens. The book is written like it was by a 11-year old and is meant for kids 8-12. The book could have easily been put into the children section and kinda belongs there. How the heck did this get into the teen section!? It has no plot so far, the character's are bland,boring,unoriginal, Mary sues and stereotypical (the perky, perfect girls), and it is looks like something I would have written when I was 11! Now I haven't read the whole book yet, and this review is basically my first impressions. I plan to force myself to read the rest of this book just so that I can make a full review of this so-far bad book.
My predictions: When the plot finally comes, the girls will win some how and get everything they want. The villains (if there are any) will be mean and jealous of the heroines, and will lose in a very ridiculious way.
Now for my review of Impossible.

I was at my school's library and I had been waiting for the book Impossible to be free. When it was finally there I was soo excited to read it. The plot was:On the night of her prom, Lucy, 17, is raped by her date and becomes pregnant. She decides to keep the child, and she is supported by her foster parents and Zach, her childhood friend whose love for Lucy changes from platonic to romantic as the story progresses. The teen discovers the curse on the women in her family when she reads her birth mother's diary. Lucy is destined for madness at 18 unless she can perform the three impossible tasks described in the song and break the curse of the Elfin Knight. She is determined to rid herself and her unborn child of the curse, and her family and Zach help her as she works to solve the riddles. Sure it sounded pretty good.
So I started reading. The first 100 pages were just talking about how much Lucy hates her mom, how she's going to the prom, and a whole lot of worthless stuff. I thought, "Umm the action is bound to pick up". When Lucy got pregnant and learned that she had to complete impossible tasks, then I was like, "YEAH bring on the action!". The action never came. The rest of the pages were just talking about hos she doesn't want to go crazy if she doesn't do the tasks, how she loves her baby, and she needs to get married. I was just waiting for the action to pick up. It wasn't till the last 30 pages where we got some action. Coarse it was just the guy who came cursed her saying that he would just take away her curse if she married him. How anti-climatic! I was waiting for her to do the tasks, but she never did! She just had the guy who cursed her say he'll take the curse away. What a horrible ending! I found the book very boring, and the ending was very bad.

It is kinda funny how the book Impossible is way to slow in getting to the action, while Charmed Forces just rushes to the 'conflict'. Which is worse?

Photoshop fail

I was online and I saw this clearly photoshopped Harlequin cover: Here you go

That girl just looks soo weird, and you can tell they photoshopped her face to make her seem flawless. She doesn't even look that human, i mean 1. she has no eyebrows. 2. her face is too small compare to the rest of her head. 3. she has to hands of a newborn child 4. it looks like somebody got a picture of an angel, added some flesh color and poorly photoshopped it on a girls body. Very poorly done, at least the guy looks realistic ( even though once again every guy in Harlequin is drop-dead gorgeous and this guy kinda looks drunk)

How come there are no teenaged children in Harlequin

How come it's that most Harlequin novels never have the child be a teenager (or at least a 12 year old)? I mean 90% of the kids in Harlequin novels are 7 and under. I guess that most of the bored housewives (who only buy Harlequin for wish fulfillment reasons) must find the perfect child to be within the ages of 0-7, rather than a mature teenager. I guess the bored readers and writers of Harlequin think that us teenagers are evil, which we kinda are. I mean if something doesn't go our way, then we rip your soul out from your eye sockets....

Nah...but most parents absolutly fear the teenage years of their children, but I'm suprised that Harlequin writers havn't glamorized it yet (you know make the teenagers be perfect), but no. Every child in a Harlequin novel is always a stinken kid ages 0-7, I've only seen one book with a teenager and two with a kid older than 7

Some more books if they were realistic (and took place in modern society)

Gossip Girl:
1. Blair asks a computer hacker to hack into Gossipgirl.com and find out whose email it is. Once the email is found than mystery solved. Plus wouldn't Gossip girl be arrested for cyber bullying

Harlequin:
1. Some pretty virgin marrys a rich, attogant,hot guy for his money and gets knocked up.

Lord of the rings:
1. They catapolt both the ring and Boromir into Mount Doom. They need to get rid of Boromir so Aragorn can become king
2. Nuke the place, and drop the ring in Mount Doom. Oh and be sure that Boromir is in the area before the place is bombed (Aragorn needs to be king)

Song of the Sparrow:
1. A whole lot of poetry, and naked swimming

Fan fiction:
1. IDK really. Just the tweenaged author drooling over their favorite book character and having a relationship with him or her. I've never written fan fiction (well my mom said I wrote one LOTR fan fiction, but I only remember writing the last chapter of it)

The Talking Cake:
1. Younger, and hotter versions of the Lord of the rings, except more crappy

The Diary of a Lipgloss addict:
1. IDK, basicly be an identical replica of Bella Swan meeting an exact replica of Edward Cullen, and making enemies with an exact replica of the stereotypical bad-girls/James, Victoria, and Laurent)

Who is worse: Stephanie meyer or Carole Marsh?

In corner number one we have Stephanie Meyer aka our bored, horny housewife, and on corner number two we have Carole Marsh, aka our attention seeking lady. Who will win the battle of the whose the worst author. This will be judged on which is worse (so don't think i'm picking who did a better job, it's on who did worse. got it) Let's begin with Round one with whose the worst Self insert.
While Stephanie Meyer tried to hide the fact that Bella Swan is basicly how she wishes she was in high school (pretty, popular without trying, ends up marrying a rich dominating guy, and be smart), Carole Marsh literally made herself and her family characters in her series. They are even on the cover. Though her self-inserts aren't as idealized, but they still have some common Mary sue elements. For example: it's always up to the children to save the day, and they always do without any trouble. Their flaws are meant to be seen as cute and funny and for some reason they never seem to age. She also probably made herself a character so she can imagine herself going to the many locations that she wants to go to, also she put a lot of merchandise plugs (cough cough Carole Marsh Mysterious fan club watches cough cough) in many of her books. So whose the winner: the author who secretly made herself a overly idealized self-insert, or the author who intentionally makes her family characters?
The winner is... Stephanie meyer! For going out of her way to live out her personal desires through her novel. Congrajulations..you suck!

Round Two: Writing style
Stephanie Meyer has been both praised and critisized for using over-the-top descriptions of everything (but mostly Edward), while Carole Marsh has tons of grammatical, and spelling errors. The clear winner is Carole Marsh! For writing a story as if you wrote it on less than a hour.

Round three: Reality (two part)
Stephanie Meyer did no research what-so ever (because if your dead you can't have kids, Forks is not the rainiest place on earth, there are no eight pointed snowflakes, you can't skip school ever sunny day without the government getting mad, it is illegal to ride a motorcycle without a license, and there is no 1 thousand dollar bill in Italy). While Carole Marsh altered reality just so her grandkids can go on adventures by themselves (nobody attempts to rape or kidnap that kids while they wander around by themselves, and they don't go missing). The clear winner is Stephanie Meyer.
Round three part 2: If the books were realistic.
Here are some common scenarios of what could happen if the characters of the Carole Marsh Mysteries were transported into reality (which is worse?):
1. Grant and Christina witness a murder and rather than telling the police they try to solve the mystery themselves. The two children manage to track the criminals to an abandoned warehouse. The two refuse to call the police because they believe the criminals will either give themselves up or not hurt them because they are kids. The two confront the criminals, but the criminals aren't as nice as the kids imagined them to be. The two are taken hostage, and Grant is killed. Christina is then addicted to drugs by her captors, and sold into prostitution. Meanwhile Carole Marsh wobbles home drunk after allowing her grandchildren to wander around the heavily populated areas. She doesn't notice her grandchildren are gone for another four weeks, which she spent drinking, partying, and reading Harlequin novels. She is then arrested for child endangerment, child neglect, child adandonment, and not calling the police after the kids didn't return. She was then put in jail for over fifty years, and Christina has yet to be found

2. Grant and Christina are allowed to wander around New York by themselves as long as they return to a certain spot in a couple hours. They loose their way and their grandma won't pick up the phone. The children stay the night on the corner of a street, and eat some scraps of food from the garbage for dinner. They refuse to call the police or go to a shelter because they know that they will not help them. After a cold and hungry sleep, the two decide to go to a shelter where they are returned to their grandma, who thought they would return soon. The parents of Grant and Christina take them back home, and dont allow the kids to return to Carole. Carole is later sued

3. While at Disney world, Christina finds out that the kidnapped kids are in the Cinderella castle (for some reason) and decides to go into a closed-off area. She is unfortunatly cought and banned from Disney World. Some security guards go to see why she was going up there and find the kidnapped children. The end

4. Chrina or grant hear about some form of mystery, and they call the police, and or tell the police about the clues they find. The mystery is solved in a couple minutes. The end

Twilight realistic version:
1. Bella swan meets a handsome man. He emotionally abuses her (controls the relationship, bosses over Bella, sometimes physically abuses her, treats her as inferior, and makes her stay weak) but she continues to stay with him because he sexually satisfies her. Her friends are worried for her and calls Edward's obsessiveness and abusivness bad, but Bella defends him as being protective and that he loves her a lot. It ends when she becomes the weak, submissive housewife/high school drop out whose husband bosses her around and decides everything that they do. The end

So whose the winner (or is it loser) of the realisticness. The Winner is.... it's a tie! For making it seem that if you wander away from your parents and search for criminals then nothing bad will happen to you, and that you don't have to do research.

Round four: Morals/messages
The messages of the Carole Marsh mysterious are simple:
1. Hey kids, it's ok to abandon your parents and wander around heavily populated places (which is probably full of pedofiles, kidnappers, drug dealers, pimps, and worst of all....scientologists)
2. When you see a crime happen, don't call the police and instead investigate the crime youselves. Criminals won't hurt you because your kids
3. Grandmas, it's ok to allow your 12 and 7 year old to wander around heavily populated cites by themselves. What pedofile, or rapist would want ot kidnap/rape a 12 year old girl and a 7 year old boy?
Twilight messages are more like
1. Ladies, your only goal in life should be marrying and having babies. You SHOULD NOT attempt college, and instead be a housewife
2. Again ladies, your husband should control the relationship and everything in your life. He is your new owner and you must give into his ever wimb
3. Teen pregnancies are cool
4. Guys, being a stalker/ possesive jerk is the best way to show a girl you love her. Once you see a girl you like, don't stop talking her and being a total jerk towards her till she's yours
5. It's okay to have sex with a older man as long as you look older than you actually are. Translation: If your 14 but you look 18, then it is ok to have sex with that 40 year old
6. Pedofilia is ok. Child-grooming is a way to make it okay. ( Child grooming is th the deliberate actions taken by an adult to form a trusting relationship with a child, with the intent of later having sexual contact is known as child grooming. The act of grooming a child sexually may include activities that are legal in and of themselves, but later lead to sexual contact. Typically, this is done to gain the child's trust as well as the trust of those responsible for the child's well-being. In this case acting like a brother/friend)

Yah the winner is Stephanie Meyer and last but certainly not least Round 4 : predictability

Carole Marsh writes as if she was told to write a mystery in less than 30 minutes and release two new books every week. So in order to do that, she made the criminals give the children clues (just so she didn't have to think and have the characters actually do some investigating, and to force the story to continue), and makes those clues ridiculiously easy. While Stephanie Meyer's predictability is mostly just "you know Bella will get everything she wants, and nobody important will die". Yet Bella's pregnancy, Laurent going good for about a page, Edward dumping Bella, and the whole Jacob imprinting on Renesmee were kinda suprising. While I knew everything that was going to happen in every single Carole marsh book book. The kids would solve the mystery without a scratch, solve the clues, and live happily ever after. The winner is Carole Marsh

So who overall is the bette author. Ok the better author is...Carole Marsh! While Carole Marsh is a pretty crappy author, Stephanie Meyer just taints her books with too many bad messages. Stephanie Meyer is a better author at making it kinda unpredictable, writing style, and making it a little original. While Carole just seems as if she wrote the first cliche that came to her mind and has only thirty minutes to write it and didn't both to proofread or edit it. She just sent it to the publishers just so she can make more money.

The life of a young author blog might be getting a new look!

Maybe or maybe not.

What should my new Blogger icon be

a. My current one: Star Sapphire from the Green Lantern comics:


Pros: Since I'm a new fan of the Green Lantern, and I think Blake Lively (who will be playing Carole Ferris, who later becomes Star Sapphire), I think it would be cool to have Carole as my icon, well for a little bit. I'm not very familiar with the character though.
B. Catwoman from the batman comics (if you didn't know that then I pity you)
Pros: I LOVE CATWOMAN. I've read some comics with Catwoman and she is soo awesome! I love the chemistry between her and batman, they are such a cute couple

C. My old one: Stargirl
Pros: We're both around the same age, have braces, and kinda look alike (even though I did change her hair color for the picture). Oh and suprisingly she has nothing to do with captain America, despite the costume.
D. Wonder Woman:

Pros: We both share some of the same view points. We are feminists, and I bet if she read Twilight she would kill Stephanie Meyer or at least knock some sense into her.

Now readers you decide

New blog...don't worry I'll attempt to update this one

Like my Young author blog, I have a new blog. It's http://www.actionmovieupdates.blogspot.com/. Or you can just go to my profile. Don't worry I'll be updating both my young author blog, just not as often (even though I wasn't posted that much as is)

Tips for writing a realistic character

Characters are what drive a story, if you don't what characters then your basicly describing a setting and nothing else. Plus what story (other than poetry) doesn't have characters? It should be very obvious that you need characters in order to make a good story. Since writing (and films) these days seem to crave realistic, and dark characters here are some helpfull tips on writing a realistic character:

1. Show don't tell. Telling a reader the character's personality traits and then never actually showing them gives your character an 'unintentional personality'. An unintentional personality is one where the audiences finds a character to be a certain way despite the fact that the author didn't intentionally write the character to be that way. Example: A character who the author wants to come off as selfless, smart and independent might come off as selfish, whiney, and dependent to the readers. Show don't tell is one of the most important rules in fiction. If you show your character's personality slowly, and don't flat out say, "He's intelligent", then it makes you seem like a better author. Telling and not showing has a very negative impact on the character. For example: If you say your character is normal looking, but then have tons and tons of boys/girls adoring him/her and having perverted thoughts, then we (the audience) believe that he/she must be gorgeous. If you want to tell the audience that your character is a certain quality, then show it throughout the novel. Example: If your character is a major book worm, then have your character reading constantly, referencing books (and not the books that end up being significant to the story), and talking about books. Show don't tell

2. In order to have a realistic, and relatable character, your character needs to have flaws. Oh and be sure that your flaws are equally paired with the positive traits. For example: I read on a yahoo question, that a character this girl was writing both cared for the feeling of others, and was selfish. As I said pair your positive traits and negative traits well, you don't want a character to both care for others and be selfish. It just doesn't make sense! If your character has no flaws (or flaws that aren't personality flaws like being clumsy but then never showing that she's clumsy) then the readers can't relate to them, and believe me readers hate perfect characters (aka Mary/Gary Sues)

3. How will she/she interact with other supporting characters. Will she be cruel to them, and if so then she should probably stay that way for a good part of the story. Most changes that a character goes through usually happen near the end of the story. Helpful tip: Don't make every single person who dislikes the character be cruel, mean, or jealous of them. It sets the allusion that everybody adores your character, and everybody who doesn't is generally hated by everybody. Maybe have somebody who is liked by many people dislike your character for reasons other than, "He/she is jealous of him".
4. The introduction of a character gives the first impression. For example: I read the book Vampire Academy, and the way the author introduced the main heroine just made me feel sick. Ok so it starts when this female vampire bites the mortal girl (the human girl allowed her to) and the mortal girl described it as feeling better than sex, being high and being drunk. That one page had soo many allusions to sex, that it was just gross. I thought that I accidently bought a vampire porno. Let me make this clear: When a male vampire bites a mortal girl then it is cute, but when a vampire girl bites a mortal girl, then it's just disturbing. In short the way that you introduce a character instantly gives us (the audience) first impressions.
5. Have your character act her own age. I mean you usually wouldn't see a 14-year old using fancy, long words. If your character acts either too young or too old for her age then you should probably mature/or dumb down her/himself up. Now I know that there are some characters out there who are supposed to be childish or mature, but if you are trying to make a character for teens to relate to you have to make your character actually act like them.

Updates on my life (just bear with me)

I haven't been updating lately, so my two readers are probably at least a little happy, and not much has happened. I got my new classes, and unfortunately most of my new classes are mega boring. My new Social studies class is rather boring and unlike my first class where the teacher tried to be funny, this guy is as funny as a rock. My new math class is ehh, it doesn't have Billy in it, but some how Billy's arguments with the teacher made the class some-what entertaining. I wonder what he is doing now? The only new class that I like is my new English class. The teacher allows us to listen to our ipods and is really nice. Finally a good class.

Ok so in Social studies I have to write about five news stories (in the news, duh) and the only stories that were on were about the 7.0 earthquake in Haiti, some athlete using steroids (these days who isn't)
, and Tiger woods (seriously I do not care about Tiger Woods...at all). After watching CNN for over an hour and seeing them constantly repeat the same stories over and over again, I decided to go to the one channel I despise the most. Fox news. Let's just say that if you gave me a choice of either watching Fox news or having nails driven through my eye, I would say, " You might as well go the store, I hear there's a sale on nails!". They are soo biased, and sometimes I can just predict what they'll say. It's always, "He's putting this nation into a deeper recession" and "He's ripping apart the foundation of America" "He waited three days to speak about the bomb threat" yet they never once mention the fact that Bush waited SIX days in order to speak about the shoe bomber. Oh wait, they (fox news) absolutely adores Bush and every republican. Then there is that cry baby Glen Beck who pretends to cry. He fake crys stuff like, "This country isn't like what it's was like! I LOVE MY COUNTRY AND I'M SCARED FOR IT!". I bet you if Mccain won, then his non-stop cry sessions would have never taken place. Oh and I finally found a translation of every single thing a fox news reporter says.
The phrase (which was on Fox news): If there is another terrorist attack, then this guy is impeached!
Covert Message: Hey terrorists, bomb the USA so we can get Obama out of the white house. REPUBLICAN POWER!
The Phrase: This country is not like it was before, and the morals we used to have are gone. I'm scared for her!
Covert Message: Life was better when Bush was in charge. Now that a democrat is in charge, we are changing rather than being the old self
The Phrase: WAAAAA! I LOVE MY COUNTRY AND I'M SCARED FOR IT! THIS COUNTRY IS GOING TO TURN INTO A FASCIST, COMMUNIST, DICTATORSHIP RULED BY BlACKS AND WHITES WILL BE THE MINORITY
Covert message: WAAA! I'M SAD THAT A DEMOCRAT WON SO I'M GUNNA WHINE AND BITCH ABOUT IT UNTIL OBAMA HOPEFULLY GETS IMPEACHED WHICH WILL BE THE BEST DAY EVER! THE USA IS GOING TO BE STUPID AND A 4RD WORLD COUNTRY UNLESS A REPUBLICAN IS PRESIDENT AGAIN! I HATE MINORITIES AND WILL START BALLING MY EYES OUT IN ORDER TO MAKE YOU THINK THAT I'M SANE. WAAA WAAA! REPUBLICAN POWER!
Stupid fox news people, always seeing the negative in everything. Here is what fox news hates: Democrats, blacks, Muslims, non-Christians, and anything a non-republican says.

ANYHOW, I tuned into Fox news and almost instantly they started bashing Michelle Obama for trying to run a campaign against childhood obesity. Wait how is Michelle Obama trying to stop childhood obesity a bad thing....oh wait since her husband is a democrat that makes everything she does a sin. My parents were behind me talking about some crap, and I shouted, "Could you quite down, I'm trying to watch to Republican propaganda!". Yah they laughed, and that was one of the new funny moments I've had recently.